And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
. // bloglinks +
airina
artieee
bjössi
brandon
caterina
chillicrapblog
chris (one-year-gap)
cordelia
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ember
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pris meimei
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travis
tom
wenting
zhen ru
. // archives +
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You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for.
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship.
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love.
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you.
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important; find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success?
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Do not give up when you have not even started yet! Be courageous!
What are you most afraid of?
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self?
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart, rather than your head, needs to solve.
. // prawninator | 02:29 + ~ I am not exactly what you would call a babe (I'm more like Babe the pig), and I really suffer a lot in the emotional factor. But why is this so? Why do people go for looks first? Why do people tend to want to befriend people who look good, and not wanting even to know what a person like me can be on the inside? Why?
It's because of this that people sometimes attempt to kill themselves, or even isolate themselves from all forms of social gatherings. It's because of this that they lack the one thing that is most important in the world - Love. Love is the most important thing to people like me, because it's something they really want, they really need, but cannot get. For me, I yearn to be loved. I long to be loved by someone whom I can love back as well.
Love is something not everyone can give. Some don't know what love is, and live in constant isolation and denial. But I don't want to. All I want is to be loved. I have felt loved the past year, and suddenly, all of it is gone. It's hard to adapt to the sudden emptiness... The sudden lonliness. It's impossible to remove the scars that disfigure your heart, because they'll always be there... to remind you of pain, and of suffering.
I don't want to get thrown aside again... I don't want to get hurt again. No one does. But it's especially hard for me. If I do fall in love again, someone help me up... I don't want to face yet another rejection. I've faced many. Too many to count. They've all scarred my heart. One more scar, and it'll open the other wounds. One more scar, and I won't be able to take anymore. Just one more scar, one more.
. // prawninator | 15:24 + ~ It's been a long time since I wrote here.... Oh well. So many things have happened... I'm not in the mood anymore I guess. All I can say is that Remy and I are best friends now. Nothing more. *Sigh*
. // prawninator | 20:37 + ~ Today's Johnathan's birthday. I can't believe I missed it again. Damn, I was sick. I am sick. Heh. Oh well... Guess that's the way life goes. You're human, you get sick. Heh.
Anyway, Mom and Dad found out that I am debarred from Storyboarding. Oh well. Heh. I don't know what to do now man.
Well... Woe is me. And I'm off... Doctor has confirmed I have a relapse of asthma, and I don't know how to cope with it at a moment like this... Why the hell am I so unlucky sometimes! Geeez.
Take care...
. // prawninator | 23:18 + ~
I'm really sick this time. I don't know how I get myself into this kinda shit sometimes. Heh. Oh well....
Asthma attack's coming back, after a 12 year disappearance. I wonder why I had to have a relapse now, especially when I'm in such a down time in my life. Honestly speaking, I've never felt so down anytime else at all...
I just feel so lousy, that I'll just go any minute... And if I do, Remy, there's one thing I want to say... "If I die tonight, I want to die in your arms, so I will not have any regrets living this life..."
. // prawninator | 00:41 + ~ Well... he called me today, asking me to come out... Naturally, I was surprised, considering what was discussed last night. *Sigh* I still miss what we were. But anyway, there's nothing I can do about it.
Went to Orchard Road to look for Remy, who was sitting at the staircase. He had bought a whole packet of Centori cigarettes... One thing I must say, they SUCK. They taste really bad. Yuck yuck yuck. Even Lucky Strike tastes better. Much better.
Walked around and finally went to find books. I wanted to get a Diablo book, but it seems that it's unavailable everywhere we went. Sad.
Oh well, gtg. Connection screwy, and I want to save this before I get kicked offline again.
. // prawninator | 21:53 + ~
I've decided to go on a two-week separation trial with Remy. He has his exams to study for anyway. What I'll do is just leave him alone for the next two weeks.
I think I'll need help controlling myself, because when I said this to him last night, I couldn't stop crying when I hung up. I told myself before not to leave him. And I can't bear to leave him, but he has crossed my line, and I want to do something about it. I love him so much, and of course I'll miss him. I'm just afraid that he won't even remember our first year anniversary, coming up in a month. Yes, it's been that long. And I must say, I loved every bit of time with him.
Okay, so I spend too much time with him. But he is my boyfriend, the one I love after all. He has changed... So have I, but none for the better. I want us to be like the old times, not a care in the world, with only the two of us in it. Those were the days. And then he started feeling tied down, and constantly told me that he wanted to find another girl. I took it well, because I thought I knew he wouldn't do it... but... never mind. Forget it.
For the next two weeks, I won't be seeing him, I won't SMS him unless he SMS's me, and I won't bother so much, in order to remove the cannonball around his ankle. I want to remove it. He wants it removed much more than I do. But when I want to do something about it, he just... *sigh*
Oh well....
. // prawninator | 14:52 + ~
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | High |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Very High |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Very High |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | High |
| Dependent: | Very High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
-- Click Here To Take The Test -- | |
Now that is scary. I'm highly dependent and paranoid. Well... I guess I've been this way for a long long time, just that I never knew...
. // prawninator | 19:32 + ~ Spent the morning lying in my bed. There just wasn't anything to do. I'm gonna get kicked outta school anyway. *Sigh*
Tried to level up my units in Shattered Galaxy. Tough luck. I'm now in the Tier Planet. And I'm dead meat. You see, I... Ermm... Am the lowest level player there ever could be in that planet. And I don't get around much, because everyone else is like Lvl 50 and more... It's scary! HeH. If any of you out there plays Shattered Galaxy, the nickname's EvilPrawn (duh) and I'm in Vora... I used to be in Monos, but I figured I'd advance before someone comes get me. Heehee. Well, now they all chiong me. Ouch.
Well... I guess that was it for the entire day until Remy called me later on, asking if I wanted to get out of the house. I definitely did. The air in my family is getting so tense I'm thinking of moving out. Where to, I don't know. Had dinner at King Albert's Park and walked to Bukit Timah Plaza where we hung out in the arcade. *Sigh*... We didn't say much though... Besides sharing a little talk over cigarettes. He either playing games or SMS-ing someone. Oh well.
Made my way home. So here am I. Boring day damnit. I wish I could do more.
. // prawninator | 00:03 + ~ Spent 3 days at Pasir Ris, from the 29th to the 31st of March. GH and Mike went too.
It was rather fun, only until bedtime. There wasn't really enough space for anyone to sleep, and yet Mike claimed he didn't when he was snoring all the way. Both nights. Only that the second night, I had to call him to open the door, because they shut it, and it can't be opened from the outside.
Day 1:
Met up with Shah- and SaRaH_ and Burpies and and a friend of theirs at 2.30pm. Later met up with ViagraMan at 3. Reached Pasir Ris at 4+ and went to pick up the other people at 5.
Played Dai Dee and all that crap blah blah blah. GH arrived at 9.30pm, 4 hours late. Started becoming crappy and all that, and around 2pm, we all started drifting to sleep. Half of us couldn't, so we spent the rest of the time doing nothing and just bumming around until they woke up. When they did, the other half of us took over the space and fell right asleep. Can't remember much now.
Day 2:
Also can't remember much else besides meeting up with Sonnie along with Mike and GH... He has grown much more muscular... But I expected him to turn darker. He was telling us a whole lot on his army life... Hehehe. Later on GH sent him to the bus stop while I went back to the chalet to help out. Didn't eat much. Talked to GH later on for the entire night, until 5am when Cheers finally opened (They said they'd open at 4!) and got ourselves a drink and some noodles.
Day 3:
Walked to the bus stop at 6.15am to find out that the bus only comes at 7.06am. Walked to another bus stop to take another bus to the interchange. Went to GH's place and slept there for a long long long time...
. // prawninator | 23:35 + ~
Well... He said he won't break up with me as yet. But he will. Later on in the year.
I don't know what's wrong with him though. I want to love him like I always loved him, but somehow things have changed. We don't seem to have as much fun as we had before... and so forth.
I want back what we had... I want to be like before... I love him too much to let him go... I... Just can't bear not to see him by my side again...
I'm dreading the day when he will break up with me...
I don't want it ever to come.....
In the meantime, I guess I'll just enjoy my time with him...
Remy, I love you. More than I ever had. Your talk of a temporary separation has drived me to cherish you more, to appreciate you more. I'm sorry for whatever I've done, and I'm glad you had forgiven me. But remember that I will always love you, wherever you are, however you may be... I don't love you because I need you... I need you because I love you.
Remy, I love you.
. // prawninator | 02:18 + ~
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
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