Zhou Pei Lin

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

Yin Yang

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chris (one-year-gap)
leck koon
nat ho
nat yong
pris meimei
siew ling
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. // archives +
02/01/2002 - 03/01/2002
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Tuesday, May 28, 2002

How do you trap a monkey that has been coming into your garden to steal your fruits?
Very simple. You hollow out a coconut shell, and drill a small hole in it. Inside it, you put some sweet food and attach the shell to a tree or a stake in the ground.
The monkey, when it comes sniffing around again, will be drawn to the sweet food in the coconut shell. Very quickly, it will reach in and grab the food.
Now, the hole is big enough for its hand to enter, but too small for the clenched fist, clutching the food, to pull out.
When you show upm the monkey will get frantic, but it won't open up its fist to let go of the food, even though the the simple act will set him free.
And you've got your little thief.

like the monkey, we often do not know how to let go - of a notion, or desire, or a person, or an object - even when it is in our best interest to do so.
So we get trapped, and the more frantic we become, the more tightly we cling on to what we should let go of, in order to be free and to move on.
Clinging not only holds us back, it makes for much anguish and anxiety, then helplessness and depression, and finally, self-destruction.
Biologists have a term for this - apoptosis. It's a firecracker string of self-destruct routines pre-programmed into nearly every living cell. Its fuse is lit when it receives signals that it is no longer useful.
But why do we need to change our ways? If it isn't broken, why fix it?
Because we are transiting from an era which was best served by order and conformity, to one which thrives on some messiness and non-conformity.

Damn the older generation, to place us in this fix. Damn damn damn damn! Well, I got that above excerpt from the Straits Times, Life! section. Hope you enjoyed it.

. // prawninator | 16:47 + ~

Monday, May 27, 2002

Well... Today's Vesak Day. Not exactly, actually. It's just the holiday brought forward from Sunday. But it makes not much difference to anyone as the school holidays have already started. Too bad, that's one less holiday during the school term.

Anyway, I said I was having problems with Remy and all, but we've kinda resolved them, but that doesn't mean that I'm still with him. No, I'm still his best friend and a reserve girlfriend. Why? He went to a Chinese Fortune Teller yesterday and had his fortune told. He said that he should get married at the age of 28 or later, or else he'll have a divorce and get into a second marriage. So he said he's keeping me for later. -_-" What a way to put it huh.

But we've grown closer a little more. I wish we were as close as we were again, but I guess that will never be. *Sigh* He is, after all, the one I love so much! But hey, I'd rather have him as a best friend than not have him in my life at all. Heh. He'll be staying over at my place when my parents go overseas with my brother! Whee! At least I won't be alone in the nights. *Wink*

. // prawninator | 21:46 + ~

Sunday, May 19, 2002

Which Final Fantasy 8 Character Are You?

You are Ward! You're a big loveable teddy bear,
but if someone messes with you or someone you
care about, they will know your wrath. You're a
survivor in every sense of the word, and have the
capacity to kick much ass.

Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here!

. // prawninator | 14:09 + ~

I cry...
Because I'm only human.

I cry...
Because I'm torn between the one I love and the one I think I love
I cry...
Because the one I love... Doesn't even know if he loves me

I cry...
Because I'm only human.

I cry...
Because I have loved and lost
I cry...
Because I was once loved... but not anymore

I cry...
Because I'm only human.

I cry...
Because I feel empty
I cry...
Because I feel lonely

I cry...
Because I'm only human.

I cry...
Because I'm lost in a sea of sadness
I cry...
Because emotions overwhelm me

I cry...
Because I'm only human.

. // prawninator | 03:37 + ~

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

The previous entry was written on my supposedly first year anniversary with Remy. I still miss him, that's for sure, but I can't do anything about it. I wish I could. And I still love him. After all we had been through... after all we had done together... after all the time I spent with him... I still love him. But I don't love him as a lover anymore. I love him as a friend, because that's the only love he wants to receive from me now.

Well, I think I have moved on, and fallen in love with someone else. His name is Nicholas, more commonly known as Nick. Heehee. I've known this guy for 3 years, and I did like him before in that first year I knew him... But I never told him. I didn't dare to, so I kept quiet about it. It feels strange, really, to be able to love again after all these while, because the security you once felt... is not there anymore.

I yearn to be loved once again, I long to be held in loving arms yet again... but it would be long before I would ever be held in the way Remy held me... I just feel so lonely... I don't know what to do anymore. I'm in such a screwed up mood... Argh!

. // prawninator | 08:25 + ~

Friday, May 10, 2002


Bottled up inside
Are the words I never said
The feelings that I hide,
The lines you never read.

You can see it in my eyes
Read it on my face:
Trapped inside are lies
Of the past I can't replace.

With memories that linger -
Won't seem to go away.
Why can't I be happier?
Today's a brand-new day.

Yesterdays are over,
Even though the hurting's not.
Nothing lasts forever,
I must cherish what I've got.

Don't take my love for granted
For soon it will be gone -
All you ever wanted
Of the love you thought you'd won.

The hurt I'm feeling now
Won't disappear overnight
But someway, somehow,
Everything will turn out right

No more wishing for the past.
It wasn't meant to be.
It didn't seem to last,
So I have to set him free.......

. // prawninator | 12:07 + ~

Saturday, May 04, 2002

Talk about a bargain!!...........

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child
from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income
family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch
college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down.
It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08
a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have
children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite.

What You Get For Your $160,140?

Naming rights. First, middle, and last! Glimpses of God every
day. Giggles under the covers every night. More love than your
heart can hold. Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. Endless
wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies. A hand to
hold, usually covered with jam. A partner for blowing bubbles,
flying kites, building and castles, and skipping down the
sidewalk in the pouring rain. Someone to laugh yourself silly
with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed
that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to
finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning
bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an
excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and
wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator
magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas,
hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward
letters for Father's Day. For $160,140, there is no greater bang
for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage
roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a
splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of
bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always
gets treated to ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat
to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra,
first date, and first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your
family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your
obituary called grandchildren. You get an education in
psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human
sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You
have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters
under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party,
ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day
they will, like you, love without counting the cost.


. // prawninator | 11:57 + ~

To whoever you are, wherever you are, I love you. I probably don't know you yet, but when I do, I'll know, and so will you. And you'll love me for who I am, as will I.

You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.

Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.

It's just a matter of time.

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