And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
. // bloglinks +
nat yong pamela
. // archives +
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Go placidly amid the noise and haste
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as ossible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your turth quietly and clearly and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; thye are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.
Many person strive for high ideals
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disappointment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars.
You have the right to be here.
And whether it is clear to you or not,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive him to be,
and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
. // prawninator | 01:04 + ~
. // prawninator | 12:16 + ~
Gosh, it's been a week since I last blogged. That, in the virtual world, is a heck of a long time. But anyways, nothing special happened. I just didn't know what to write in here anymore, couldn't think of what to say. Didn't have any special.. inspirations or anything.
I don't know why, but Yangfeng, Samantha, Nick, or even the other fellas around couldn't convince me to play Gunbound, until recently when I watched my brother play, and also when Pat and Jon got sucked into it as well. So I let my curiosity get the better of me and now, I'm hooked. Gah.
But enough of that. Sometime last week, I managed to catch Jon alone, and I just... blabbered to him that I was starting to develop strong feelings for him. I was expecting some kinda rejection thing, because I know he has feelings for Pat, but no. Instead he told me that he was starting to feel the same way about me. I have a feeling this is going to be preeeety interesting.
But then when I told Pat about it, he posed me this question: Can I love/like two men at the same time? I couldn't answer, so I asked him if he could love one man and one woman at the same time. He couldn't answer me either, so we both let it go at that, and had a good laugh.
I need to get outta the house.
Gah! I'm dying of boredom.
. // prawninator | 02:24 + ~
Just thought you should know.
. // prawninator | 23:04 + ~
Hanz is coming back before Christmas too! Wonder if we can get that Christmas BBQ thing we were discussing earlier up... But he's in the US, Starry's in Australia, Dan's got his shoot, Yiyong's in NS, Dennis has disappeared, Mike has his girlfriend, Remy has his girlfriend, Yihau and Sern might be free, their O Levels are over anyways... and me.
I wonder why I'm always the one planning these stuff. It's as though I have nothing better to do. Even when I was with Remy, I was the one planning outings and gatherings on the members' birthdays. So much so, I nearly forgot about mine.
But right now, I feel as though I've lost a part of me, because I lost someone close to me. She was a close friend, almost like a sister... but now, I don't know. I'll see how things go, I guess. I still feel that I've done the right thing in doing what I did and if she can't accept it, then I see no point in trying to salvage our friendship. Personally, I have no need for a friend who feels that someone has to bear a guilty conscience for the sake of her own "situations" with other people.
But still, of all the things that pain me, it isn't not death... nor is it a breakup. It is the loss of a friend, THROUGH death or otherwise. How would you feel if you had lost somebody you care(d) about? She might think that I'm happy that now the friendship is over and stuff like that. But I'm not. Then again she's entitled to think what she wants, and I won't go into it anymore.
Then again, I'm a very happy-go-lucky person. I don't bear grudges nor stay angry at people for long. Maybe it's because of this that people climb all over my head... Oh well. *shrugs* If they choose not to trust me, it's their choice. I'll leave it at that. After all, there are 6 billion people on the face of this planet. I'm bound to meet a few good friends, at least. I probably wouldn't even dream of finding a life partner. I actually consider myself rather lucky. I have Pat, and I have Jon... That's really more than enough for a girl like me.
But then again...
. // prawninator | 21:43 + ~
No one would really know your name. You would be called by what you do. For example, if you burn your victims to death all the time, you would be known as The Arsonist, or if you knife them, you would be known as The Slasher. You would be the mysterious killer who strikes at sporadic times, and would be very difficult to catch. You might dress up and mask yourself when you perform your horrible killings. Your identity would really be a mystery. Obviously you would be wanted all over the place, and authorities would desperately try to capture you. Even if you were caught, you would not say much. The public would greatly fear you because you could just strike unexpectedly.
What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 17:36 + ~
. // prawninator | 15:36 + ~
discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me
. // prawninator | 15:26 + ~
I'm beginning to have a normal sleep schedule again. I sleep at 11pm and wake up at 7am, to find the both of them online at the same time. No, I don't sleep normally because of them, I haven't been well recently... I actually find it tough just to get changed and step outside my house. A few days ago my fingers trembled with my keys and I couldn't get my gate open. Grrr. I dunno what's wrong with me.
I think I should rest more, but I just cannot resist talking to Pat and Jon. Hahaha. Just thinking about them makes me smile. They're funny, and really can brighten up your day. Now Pat's thinking about going to Florida to study where Jon did. Jon has already graduated though. Should I go over there and join them? *laughs* I used to be in a course similar to what they're taking/took anyways. Or some sort of, only these are bachelor degrees. I got kicked out of the diploma course. Haha.
Interested? *giggles* Click here for more information on the school. Kinda interesting, actually, what they're offering...
. // prawninator | 09:31 + ~
discover what candy you are @ quiz me
. // prawninator | 23:58 + ~
I've been contemplating a while on whether or not I should really go lesbian. It's just a thought, nothing special, nothing much. I'm not a homophobe, but I'm not really... keen on being with another girl, although the thought has popped into my mind several times over the years.
Now that I hear Pat's probably bisexual, with feelings for Jon and everything, I'm beginning to wonder about the positive and negative effects of threesomes. Hey, I'm no innocent girl, but I do have my reservations. Jon and Pat are probably both bisexual, Pat says he still loves me (although he loves Jon too) and Jon's showing interest... and I like 'em both very much. Jon's really, REALLY cute. ^^ So I get two guys! Nyargh HAH!
Okay, forgive my really random rant.
And to think I was upset about this too. Heh.
Alright, I admit. I'm insane.
. // prawninator | 16:30 + ~
And the other guy... he's rather nice too. I mean, yeah. He actually sent me an SMS at about 7-something in the morning to apologise. Unfortunately, it was that SMS that woke me up prematurely (didn't have to be up till 10). But still, I don't really know what he has to apologise for. It's not his fault in the very least.
It's not anyone's fault.
I was just letting my imagination go wild.
Perhaps it was a fit of anger, jealousy and whatnot. But it's all okay now. In fact, I think this friendship's only gonna get stronger. Well... only time will tell.
. // prawninator | 08:56 + ~
You can't run a kid over and say "sorry" to him afterwards.
Life just isn't like that.
I'm like the kid now.
The driver can ask if I'm fine and then apologise.
But hell no.
Who can be fine after an accident? A car crash?
Even if you escaped unscathed...
There'd be emotional scars.
"Love is like a bed of roses;
The thorns pierce into your flesh
And the pain tears your soul apart."
I don't know what I'd give right now, to have someone's warm arms around me again, comforting me, soothing me... telling me that everything is gonna be all right...
But everything's not all right.
It never is.
. // prawninator | 03:21 + ~
I think I have more feelings for this person than I care to admit...
What's wrong with me?
. // prawninator | 22:53 + ~
Power Rangers Movie!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
I mean, what the fuck. What the fucking fuck. I'm a POWER RANGER?! Goddammit this sucks my ass. I'm never going to Quizilla EVER again. Sheesh! I mean, a POWER RANGER?! I can't even fucking fit into those fucking suits man. Who am I supposed to be, ZORDON?! Oh GOD I can actually still remember that bloody floating head's name.
SOMEONE HELP ME!!!
. // prawninator | 00:09 + ~
You're Sensitive, and you'd like to stay that way. Sorry, listened to a bit too much Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally charged. You definitely love the person you're with, and always want to know how they're feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 19:45 + ~
Didn't go play CS today.
. // prawninator | 23:23 + ~
Went to Netgames yesterday afternoon. Heh... saw Wenting online just as I was about to leave, and told her I was there. 10 seconds later she was at my shoulder. Hahaha, apparently, she and Jane were at Starbucks. So since they were there, we played CS for a while. This rat map that the guys and I were playing last week. I pwned them. *laughs* Just kidding, it was a tiny map and Jane didn't know how to play. After 20 minutes, I had to go. Steamboat with the guys was up at 6.
Well, sorta. The arranged time was 6pm at Marina Bay, but by 6:30pm only Brandon showed up. Sean and I were on the same train without knowing it. Hehehe. Then Sean mentioned that Roman wasn't gonna turn up, and neither was Shaun or Anand. Sulaiman called and told us that they (Dan, Rong, himself and maybe Sheng) would be late, so Bran, Sean and I headed to go eat first.
Being a weekend, it was relatively crowded. So three of us started. Gerard called later and told Brandon he was on his way. Brandon was bloody scared of the hot oil splattering from the pan, so much so that I had to cook some for him. *grumbles* We couldn't take the pork at first, because we thought Sulaiman was coming, but when he called to say the whole group of them weren't coming down, we attacked the pork. Brandon himself took two huge slabs of pork. At least he cooked that one himself though.
But Brandon was funny, really. In a gross sense, sometimes. He had to make a lewd comment about everything I did. Everything had sexual connotations. *mutter* Like when I helped him get the margarine off his chopsticks with mine, he went, "Oh, I like the way you stroke my stick." Grr. And when I licked my fingers, he went, "Yeah baby, lick it!" Grrr. and when the huge piece of pork was cooked he asked me, "So, you want a piece of my meat?" Grrrr. It was really, REALLY bad. Heh. And everything that went on became a pickup line. GRRRR.
After dinner, Sean went home. Gerard, Bran and I stayed out, walking around City Hall and the area, talking, laughing and buying alcohol, before settling down at a spot outside the Esplanade, along the river. The guys played the guitar that Brandon had brought (he had jamming earlier) and we also talked to this woman who came to sit next to us.. She left soon though. As the guitar was fitted with a Floyd Rose, Gerard wasn't too sure he wanted to tune it too much. But what he said came out as, "I scared to tune lah, I cannot tune the E string unless I unscrew your nuts." and that kinda cracked us up. ALOT. Hahaha! After talking and playing the guitar, we went to get another drink at the 7-11. After that we hung around until four... and Gerard missed his night bus, so we hung around till six in the morning, sitting on the escalator and talking. Bran went on about Officer Krystal and Gerard about unscrewing nuts. Hehehe.
After we took a cab home (no more midnight charge!) I went to bed and didn't wake up till 6pm. Bleh. Whole day gone. Hahahaha. But I'm lethargic. 12 hours of sleep is too much.
. // prawninator | 22:48 + ~
Your aura shines Yellow!
What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 07:21 + ~
Power Word: 'Fine'
Enchantment (command) [Mind Affecting]
Level: Wiz/Sor 6, Clr 6, Brd 4
Casting Time: Instantaneous
Duration: One day
Saving throw: Will, none (see text)
Spell Resistance: Yes
During a heated argument the mage can invoke the dreadful and terrible Power Word 'Fine'. This word, when shouted, renders all further argument on the topic impossible and the caster is considered to have won. Intelligent male humanoids receive no saving throw if the caster is female.
. // prawninator | 02:55 + ~
Reached Commonwealth station rather early, about half an hour before the given time, and Joshua arrived shortly after, so we both headed down to the music room. And there, I had the shock of my life.
Their voices were lovely. No, serious. My own juniors were singing so well that it gave me goosebumps when they held a good chord. Although I admit the Sopranos were strong, the tenors too, the basses disappear mid-song and the altos go too sharp sometimes. But other than that, it's all good. It's all perfectly fine. I haven't heard them sing like that for almost three years now, and this was great.
After practice, Joshua, TYX and I went to Mac's with Andy to eat. Chun Fong was late and Hannah was already there waiting for us. X had this funny thing about Ronald McDonald being a devilspawn and dipped Joshua's empty cup into his almost empty bowl of porridge in an attempt to drown him. Ugh, honestly these guys. *sighs*
We headed back to the music room and met up with several of my juniors, as well as Jonathan, my ex-classmate whom I hadn't seen for ages. And goddammit he's slimmed down a whole damn lot. *mttrs* Jason and Melvin arrived later and we discussed with Miss Yao about future performances. I still gotta check out what scores I still have.
I came back home at about 5pm and slept till 9. Been awake since. Going to sleep again, I need to catch up on my sleep. I'm as tired as hell, if ever hell could be tiring..
. // prawninator | 23:24 + ~
You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.
"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life. She cried a single tear and shed a single drop of blood upon the earth where she buried it. From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into the world."
Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek), Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian). The Goddess is associated with the concept of creation, the number 1, and the element of earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.
As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic individual and people are drawn to you. Although sometimes you may seem emotionally distant, you are deeply in tune with other people's feelings and have tremendous empathy. Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your own self. Goddesses are the best friends to have because they're always willing to help.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 17:53 + ~
Then I remembered walking into a tabletop RPG shop where there were two groups having a game. I pretended to browse the shelves for a book. Well, I -was- looking for a book, but I couldn't find it, so I overheard one of the games.
Guy 1: "Okay, I'm looking for a hidden thing." *Guy 1 rolls die. Laughter erupts*
Guy 2: "Is there really a hidden thing?"
Guy 4: "I don't know, you try."
Guy 3: "I'm looking for... the hidden thing!" *Guy 3 rolls die in extravagant manner. Laughter erupts again*
Guy 2: "Hey if you rolled a 1 you could have said 'I'm pretty sure there isn't a hidden thing!' you know!"
I grinned to myself. They were having fun, much like when I go out with the girls for window shopping or the guys for gaming. Furthermore, I've always been interested in PnP, but I never got the chance to start. Don't have a group to play with. I've heard games being played, seen some in action, but I never really got myself involved. Maybe I'd try one day.
The point is, I'm not as alone as I thought I was at that particular point of time. I was fully aware of who my friends were and what they've done for me so far. I'd just like to thank them. Because I'm afraid of missing people out, I won't say any names. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.
. // prawninator | 15:52 + ~
As I walked by the Marks and Spencer cafe I remembered the last time I had been there... with him... and what happened there... Everything came back to my eyes... The look on his face, his smile, his lips...
The first kiss I shared with him.
The first time he held me.
His voice... his arm around me...
Then I noticed I was staring at a group of students studying for their upcoming exams. I left, embarrassed. Well at least they didn't know I was staring and even if they did, they didn't say a word.
I am not ashamed to admit I still miss him.
How can you just forget about someone whom you had feelings for in such a short time? He can, but I most definitely cannot. So we are not together anymore. But I'm not the kind of person who harbours the hope that he will one day come back to me. No. If he decides to leave me, that is his choice. I am not so selfish as to want him for myself again, to be obsessed with being together with him. It's just not me.
The pain is still fresh.
The memory is still vivid.
My feelings for him have not diminished.
But I must move on.
Someone... help me....
. // prawninator | 20:23 + ~
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
When you say, "I love you", mean it.
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Believe in love at first sight.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who
don't have dreams don't have much.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt
but it's the only way to live life completely.
In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
When someone asks you a question you don't want
to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
Remember that great love and great
achievements involve great risk.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you've made a mistake,
take immediate steps to correct it.
Smile when picking up the phone.
The caller will hear it in your voice.
Spend some time alone.
. // prawninator | 00:18 + ~
TO : WOMAN
When I created the heavens and the earth,
I spoke them into being.
When I created man,
I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.
But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the
breath of life into man
because your nostrils are too delicate.
I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.
Man was put to sleep so that he could
not interfere with the creativity.
From one bone, I fashioned you.
I chose the bone that protects man's life.
I chose the rib that protects his heart and lungs,
and supports him,
as you are meant to do.
Around this one bone,
I shaped you...
I modeled you.
I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib,
strong yet delicate and fragile.
You provide protection for the most delicate
organ in man,
His heart is the center of his being;
his lungs hold the breath of life.
The rib cage will allow itself to be broken
before it will allow damage to the heart.
Support man as the rib cage supports the body.
You were not taken from his feet,
to be under him,
nor were you taken from his heart,
to be above him.
You were taken from his side,
to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel....
You are my beautiful little girl..
You have grown to be a splendid woman of
and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your
Your eyes... don't change them.
Your lips... how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose... so perfect in form.
Your hands... so gentle to touch.
I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep..
I've held your heart close to mine..
Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like
Adam walked with me in the cool of the day,
yet he was lonely..
He could not see or touch me.
He could only feel me..
So everything I wanted Adam to share and
experience with me,
I fashioned in you;
You are special because you are an extension of
Man represents my image, woman my emotions..
Together, you represent the totality of God.
I Love You, my most precious woman!
. // prawninator | 02:39 + ~
Nice ticket eh.
. // prawninator | 15:49 + ~
Nothing could touch us then.
No one could change us then.
And everyone was dancing.
. // prawninator | 22:28 + ~
Oooh, I'm intellectual, friendly and emotional. And a little disorderly too. Hey, gimme a break. I don't like routine. *wink* This is really interesting. Hehehehehheheehe.
. // prawninator | 19:53 + ~
"the teacher, counselor, consultant"
You are gifted in imparting information or inspiring others. Committed to the concepts of community, family, and cooperation, you want to make things tangible. You have a deep desire to share your creativity and have it seen as well as to experience being stretched by new experiences.
Which Major Arcana of the Thoth Tarot deck are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 19:50 + ~
Came out wearing my suit and stuff and called Samantha, but she was sleeping, so... *sighs* Shannen and Khai made it down but they were both late. Heh. Api too, yeah Api. Hahaha. After Api left we went down to Bugis to meet up with Jason and the guys... and bought tix for the club event. Heh.
Who was there? Lemme think. Daniel (in a bloodied prison escapist tee), Jason (in priest robes), Sulaiman (as himself), Sofian (in drag), Eldred (in the Wallace and Gromit penguin outfit), Roman (as Big Chief [insert name]), Brandon (as NEO ANDERSON), Gerard (as Garth Brooks), Sean (as Sinbad), Anand (as some psychedelic psycho with an Uncle Fester mask), Gwen (as a vampy vampire), Yarnie (as a ballerina [complete with shoes!]) and... Yeah I guess that's about it. So the whole group of us, minus Khai and Fran (her girl. Hehhe.) took the shuttle bus to Big Splash where we saw Sean running towards us in his Sinbad outfit. *grins* He looked pretty cool until someone revealed his leopard print SUSPENDERS. *laughs*
So there was a lot of dancing after midnight... Before that, the guys (minus Man) went to buy some drinks back to get ourselves really badly wasted instead of spending a whole lot on drinks back at the club. Some guy tried to hit on Shannen when we went back. Hehe. Anand had this frizzy hair wig that everyone shared (even Dan), and Roman and Gerard went up on the podium, along with the wig. It was funny, but cool. Roman does have some cool smoooooth moves. Must be the Russian blood or something. Hahaha...
After the event ended, Daniel, Sean, Sulaiman and Gerard all got pushed (somehow) into the pool. And Sheng already had his pants rolled up "just in case". Hahaha. It was funny. And Anand slept through it all, from the time Eldred started dancing to the time someone was thrown into the pool. Oh well. Too bad for him.
Later on shared a cab with Sean when the rest went off... Anand was totally wasted and had to be sent home by Man and Yarnie. So now I'm home. And mom was at the couch waiting for me too. *sighs* And right now, I'm half-drunk. Not totally fazed out, but yeah. Almost there.
Anyway the photos of the escapade can be found here. I look like one of those fake rolex salesmen. GEEEEEE.
. // prawninator | 05:34 + ~
To whoever you are, wherever you are, I love you. I probably don't know you yet, but when I do, I'll know, and so will you. And you'll love me for who I am, as will I.|
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.