And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
. // bloglinks +
nat yong pamela
. // archives +
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Main Entry: hap.py
Inflected Form(s): hap.pi.er; -est
Etymology: Middle English, from hap
Date: 14th century
1 : favored by luck or fortune : FORTUNATE
2 : notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : FELICITOUS [a happy choice]
3 a : enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment : JOYOUS b : expressing or suggestive of happiness : PLEASANT c : GLAD, PLEASED d : having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : FRIENDLY
4 a : characterized by a dazed irresponsible state [a punch-happy boxer] b : impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something [trigger-happy] c : enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : OBSESSED [education-conscious and statistic-happy -- Helen Rowen]
. // prawninator | 22:10 + ~
By my religion or my race.
Please don't laugh at what I wear,
Or how I look or do my hair.
Please look a little deeper -
Way down deep inside,
And although you may not see it,
I have a lot to hide.
Behind my clothes, the secrets lie,
Behind my smile, I softly cry.
Please look a little deeper.
And maybe you will see
The lonely little girl
That lives inside of me.
Please listen carefully to her -
She'll show that she's insecure.
Please try to be a friend to her
And show her that you care.
Please just get to know her
And maybe you will see
That if you just look deep enough,
You'll find the real me.
. // prawninator | 01:03 + ~
. // prawninator | 17:33 + ~
Let's all blame me, shall we?
Yes... turn the tables, free yourself from blame and place it on the one who is most conveniently there. Everyone is blame-free and guilt-free for the New Year's except me eh? Cool. I get to celebrate New Year's by myself once again.
Next time, I'll just shut up. I won't say shit, I won't even say nice things. I won't say anything. It's not worth it. Not worth the pain, guilt and confusion, even though it may not be yours. I mean, whatever.
Just let me crawl back into my little hole that I had dug for myself so many years ago... Let me stay there and rot, as if you care. As if any of you care. If you do care, at least tell me. Who's to say who true friends are? You may know a person for twenty years and not know anything about the person at all.
Then again, if it's something I did, or if it's really my fault, please tell me. At least tell me what I did, or didn't do. This goes out to all of you, whoever reading this. If I had offended you in some way or another, tell me. Be honest, brutally honest if you have to, so at least I know how to improve myself.
And if it really is my fault, I'm sorry.
Happy 2004, everyone.
. // prawninator | 14:23 + ~
Why is the mood so glum?
For crying out loud, it's Christmas!
There are about eleven more days to go until Christmas is over.
And about ten more days until my parcels reach PJ. Bah, just hope they don't smash up or something. Well, they're gone from my hands, it's all up to the Singapore Post. I don't trust them, really. Never did. I had sent out some twenty letters throughout my life, but only eight reached the people they were meant to reach. Dammit.
Anyways... A good friend of mine told me a certain situation she's in at the moment. When I heard about it, I wasn't really shocked, because I saw it coming just a while back, but I didn't want to mention anything, because I didn't feel it was my place. I partially blame myself for the entire situation, actually.
But on the other hand, it reminded me of something that happened to me a while back as well. It's not like it hurts me to think about it anymore. In fact, I was more of... sympathetic towards my friend. I don't know what that word is. But I certainly felt bad, and a certain sense of deja vu. I mean, I didn't want something like that to happen to her as well.
When I was playing the piano tonight, I couldn't help but think of my situation, and placed hers side by side with mine. It just seemed all too familiar, and I remembered the hurt I felt, the pain, they all still seemed so fresh... But then, I felt more of sadness, and pity for a someone involved than anything else. Anger over my situation had already dissipated a long time ago. It had instead been replaced with a lesson learnt and now, re-taught.
Can love really exist between two people? Honestly, I kinda gave up on love after my breakup with Ewen. I didn't think anyone could really love another person wholeheartedly. Ewen proved my theory correct, and more. That's why I have doubts about PJ... My own personal doubts, my reservations. Perhaps it's because I've been brought up that way or something, I don't know... I'm not sure I know anything anymore.
Why is the mood so glum?
For crying out loud, it's Christmas!
*cries out loud*
. // prawninator | 23:07 + ~
Went out with Ivan two days ago. It was nice, catching up with him for an entire afternoon after two years since we had last met. Ivan had been a good friend of mine since primary three, when I switched schools then. He's been my friend ever since. Quite a close one too, as compared to many other primary school acquaintances. Still, I feel compelled to keep in contact with him, however much of a nerdy nerd he is. (Don't kill me, Ivan! I'm only joking!)
After meeting him, I found that I actually kinda missed him. I would have hugged him goodbye later on in the bus if I were in a really crazy mood. Turns out he's changed quite a bit, from the quiet and shy Ivan to one that is much more open and trendy too, I might say. He used to be extremely reserved in school, but after completing junior college and currently going through national service, I guess you could say he's gone through a rather dramatic transformation.
But the most surprising of all, is that he's in love! Yes! I was shocked, floored, and rather amused, when he first told me at Breko's, Holland Village. In fact, I would never have guessed that he would actually even consider trying to go after a girl at the age of 19! I thought that he would probably wait till he has finished his degree, or completed his army training, at least. Heehee.
I casually asked him if he had kept in touch with any of our other classmates from primary school, and secondary school, but he shook his head and said no. I was surprised, because apparently, I'm one of the only ones (maybe the only one) from our primary school he kept in touch with, and one of three in secondary school. I was both honored and rather surprised, but I guess it was because I was one of his extremely few female friends. *shrugs*
After my meeting with Ivan, I realised that I can mean something to someone too, and that someone I've known for just about a decade and more is out there is still there for me, even though we haven't been really conversing for a while. It's a pretty nice feeling.
But still, there are other things on my mind...
. // prawninator | 23:32 + ~
. // prawninator | 05:16 + ~
Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The Alone.
"When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face."
The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness, melancholy, and patience. It is governed by the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword, or Unrequited Love.
As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so much love to give, but thing just never seem to work out the way you want them to. In life, you can be very optomistic, even when things are gray and nothing works out to your expectations.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 02:37 + ~
Which Guilty Gear X character are you?
. // prawninator | 02:17 + ~
The woman who helped my school clinch the Choir of The Year Award in 1995 has passed away. I remember meeting her a few times before. Most of us considered her a choral legend, and were extremely psyched about meeting her. Furthermore, she was a student there before too. Although I don't really know her that well, the respect I have for her is immense. Her joy in singing, teaching, guiding, helping. It really reflects her personality.
I... really don't know what more to say.
This is just... all too sudden...
You can read the report here.
. // prawninator | 16:19 + ~
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
. // prawninator | 13:16 + ~
In Halo, you can choose the color of your armor on your character. Mine was purple, naturally. Dan chose pink. When I asked him why, he said, "When you get yer arse kicked by some sissy pink bitch, you'd be pissed even more eh?" Grr. And boy did he kick my butt in the game. Too bad I kicked his butt in real life. ^^
I left after an hour to meet up with Shan and Sam. The guy at the counter was pretty cute. Hee! Aaaanyways, we went to Heeren and took some pictures.
Hehehe, nice? I was wearing this Paddington Bear teeshirt though. And it wasn't till later that I discovered it had HOLES!!! So after Sam left for Sim Lim, Shan and I walked to Taka where I bought a nice black lycra v-neck from Giordano.. that was quite tight. Guh. We walked around some more before meeting the #guitar people at Seoul Garden. Lemme see who I can remember... Thomas, Api, SeekZ, Paul, Brandon, Chanmin, Marc, Hanif, Raymond, Johnsmith, Bani, Dhalif, Bobo, Boon, Khai, two other guys I don't know, Sadie and Ewen. And Shannen, of course.
And I don't care about keeping Ewen a secret anymore. He has nothing to do with me, I have nothing to do with him. If Brandon was avoiding Shan the whole time, Ewen was avoiding me. Acting all lovey-dovey with Sade, but what do I care. It's a little uncomfortable, yes, but it ain't my problem anymore. So he avoided me all evening. Fine by me. But somehow, I'm angry. I don't know why he has to avoid me. If anything makes me upset and sad, one of them is not knowing why someone treats me the way they do, especially if it's not in a good way. He won't even talk to me. Or look at me, or my direction for that matter.
After that, it was pretty much okay. Sadie left with Ewen, and Thomas disappeared. So that kept Ewen out of my mind. Api went off to Crazy Elephant while the rest of us went to Lucky Plaza for pool. Brandon, Chan, Marc and Paul can play rather well though. I had one round with Shannen while the guys went gaga over the babes in "Are You Hot". Hehehe. Funny. She knocked the 8-Ball in and I won the match. w00t!
We went home after that, with Shannen hitching a ride in Chan's car and me walking back to the bus stop all the way at the American School. Guh, at least I had someone to walk with halfway. Marc had to take the bus in the opposite direction as the rest of them, so I walked with him to Tangs before taking the underpass over to Wisma.
Then I reached home. Found out the scanner wasn't working, so went to bed.
As for the degree plans, I'll think about it after I complete my diploma. I've already signed up for both HMC and SBS, so I should be okay, and complete it somewhere in February or hopefully earlier. In the meantime... I'll just paint.
. // prawninator | 17:55 + ~
1. When he's sick, you're Florence Nightingale. When you're sick, he's:
â˘ Available only via email. (Score = 1)
â˘ Only a phone call away â emphasis on "away." (Score = 2)
â˘ Shows up long enough to drop off provisions. (Score = 3)
â˘ Trying to give you the same level of care you give him. (Score = 4)
â˘ Nowhere to be found. (Score = -1)
2. You receive a big-time accolade. He responds by:
â˘ Getting jealous. (Score = 1)
â˘ Acting as though you couldn't have done it without him. (Score = 2)
â˘ Congratulating you and asking about the awards banquet. (Score = 3)
â˘ Sending a beautiful bouquet, hosting a party in your honor and introducing you for weeks as his "award-winning partner". (Score = 4)
â˘ Acts as though it never happened. (Score = -1)
3. How would he describe you to others?
â˘ "She'll do." (Score = 1)
â˘ "Good enough â for now." (Score =2)
â˘ "I don't deserve her." (Score = 3)
â˘ "She's amazing." (Score = 4)
â˘ "She doesn't deserve me." (Score = -1)
4. You're out of town for an extended time. How often do you hear from him:
â˘ Only if he can't find his keys. (Score = 1)
â˘ Only if he decides to return my calls. (Score = 2)
â˘ Every couple of days. (Score = 3)
â˘ An email every morning and a phone call every night. (Score = 4)
â˘ You don't. (Score = -1)
5. What do your friends say about him:
â˘ You can do better. (Score = 1)
â˘ He'll do â till you meet Mr. Right. (Score = 2)
â˘ He's got potential. (Score = 3)
â˘ He treats you like a queen. (Score = 4)
â˘ What are you thinking? (Score = -1)
Less than 0: The only thing he's worthy of is a slap into next week. Dump him, then look at why a great gal like you was attracted to such a louse. Learn from the mistake.
0-5: You deserve better, so why not do a quick search for a better man right now?
6-10: Did you settle for this guy so you wouldn't be alone while you waited on Mr. Right? Have you considered that Mr. Right might not find you if you're biding your time with Mr. Wrong. Buh-bye!
11-15: This guy's got potential. He's trying to put you on a pedestal. And making the effort counts for a lot. Be sure to encourage his good behavior - you might get more.
16-20: Your fella treats you like the royalty you are. Are you treating him like a king among me? You should.
. // prawninator | 17:12 + ~
Or my family...?
How can I even choose...?
Here's the situation:
Pat wants to go to Florida to study. Computer animation, no less. When he gets his loan to go to Florida, he can afford to have me go over as well. But that requires some things. I'd need to get a job there for the time his study takes (15mths), otherwise he wouldn't be able to pay for school. We'd live in very meagre accomodations, possibly the both of us in a barely furnished one-person apartment. Then after he graduates, he'd get a job and I'd start school, and he'd put me through school, repeating the cycle.
The apartment isn't a problem, not to me anyway. I don't mind, honestly. But... how am I supposed to do this? I barely have an education, and looking for a job that can pay rent and school and food, AND hopefully some savings, that's going to be quite impossible. And I don't even know if I can stay there for an extended period of time. Like, almost three years without coming back to Singapore (because I probably wouldn't be able to afford it).
I want to do this, yes. But my parents... and my brother... can I really leave them? And go to America? That's the question I'm asking myself. Would I agree to join Pat? Seriously? Every child has to leave home at some point, of course. But I'm only nineteen. What can I do? I don't even know how to drive, for crying out loud!
I need advice.
Do I, or do I not want to do this?
Or maybe the question is...
Can I, or can I not...?
. // prawninator | 00:40 + ~ Megatokyo. Yes, copyright infringement and stuff, but I was really, REALLY bored! Besides, it's not even the full picture...
Like it? Heh. Four hours to do that... Not counting the first two hours I had spent on it before my computer shut itself down, bringing my work along with it. GAH. I'm never trusting my laptop to do anything else other than voice communication anymore. Grr.
. // prawninator | 17:43 + ~
Then I stumbled upon this.
Remember the Beatle's Song, 'Hey Jude'?
Yeah, this is a parody. And it cracked me up real bad.
Get the file here. You'll know what I'm talking about.
Hey dewd, don't make it bad
Take your playstyle, and make it better
Remember to let it into your heart
Then you can start to roleplay better
Hey dewd, don't be afraid
You were made to play UO better
The minute you're in your character's skin
Then you begin to roleplay better
And anytime you're causing pain, hey dewd, refrain
You know you want someone to drink ale with
And what is with that crazy way you speak today?
Try adding an 'eth' to words you sayeth
(Na na na na na, na na na na)
Hey dewd, don't make it badeth
Take your playstyle, and make it bettereth
Remember - get in your character's skineth
Then you begineth to roleplay better
Bwahahahahahaha hahahaha hey dewd
Bwahahahahahaha hahahaha hey dewd
Bwahahahahahaha hahahaha hey dewd
Bwahahahahahaha hahahaha hey dewd
. // prawninator | 03:03 + ~
I WANT: o leave the country.
I HAVE: braces. On my teeth and on my knee.
I WISH: to leave the country.
I HATE: nothing. I don't hate.
I MISS: chicken rice
I FEAR: that I may not be able to leave the country.
I HEAR: my brother playing THPS3.
I SEARCH: for a way out of the country.
I WONDER: how sugared rose petals taste
I REGRET: many things.
I LOVE: my family, my friends
I ACHE: when I do too many pushups.
I ALWAYS: sit in front of the computer.
I AM NOT: thin.
I DANCE: when I want, where I want.
I SING: to keep myself sane.
I CRY: whenever I feel like.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: sober.
I WRITE: alot.
I WIN: when I put myself to the task.
I LOSE: when I lose confidence.
I CONFUSE: myself sometimes.
I NEED: money, to see two people I also need.
I SHOULDA: gone Christmas shopping last week.
Yes Or No
x. You keep a diary: Yes.
x. You like to cook: Yes.
x. You have a secret you have not shared: Yes.
x. You believe in love: Yes.
The Loudest Person you Know: Myself.
The Sexiest Person you Know: No comments.
Your closest friend(s): Samantha, Shannen, Pat, Jon, Kai
The People that Knows the Most about you: Sam, Shan, Pat. And me too, of course.
Have a(any) crush(es): Are they considered crushes?
Want to get married: Yes.
Get motion Sickness: Sometimes. Especially after a big meal.
Think you're a health freak: Hell no!
Get along with your parents: Depends on mood.
Like thunderstorms: Sometimes. Other times they just scare me.
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: Daaaark brown. No Asian hair is jet-black.
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Reddish-Burgundy
EYE COLOR: Daaaark brown. Likewise with hair. It's a pigmentation thing.
BIRTHPLACE: Singapore, Kendang Kerbau Women and Children's Hospital.
DAY: No favourite.
MONTH: March. That's when my birthday is.
CURRENT SONG: Stevie Ray Vaughan - Lenny
FOOD: Hainanese chicken rice
SEASON: Shopping season. Hahaha.
DRINK: Ais kosong.
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: A little cuddling never killed anyone.
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Chocolate milk.
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: White. If I don't have another choice.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla. Hands down.
Note: this is the last 24 hours, not your life.
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU....
HELPED SOMEONE? Yes, help him get money in Gunbound.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Yes, an ancient guitar amplifier. 1st series Peavey Rage.
GOTTEN SICK? No.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? No.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? No.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? Yes.
TALKED TO AN EX? Yes, told him about a console gaming event coming up in about 2 weeks and asked him if he was interested.
MISSED AN EX? No.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? This is it, I guess.
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Yes.
MISSED SOMEONE? Yes, definitely.
HUGGED SOMEONE? My brother. ^^
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? Uhm, not within the last 24hrs.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? No.
PLAYED ANY GAMES ONLINE? Gunbound, Hexic, TFC, CS.
DO YOU FEEL LONELY? No. Why should I?
. // prawninator | 13:22 + ~
To whoever you are, wherever you are, I love you. I probably don't know you yet, but when I do, I'll know, and so will you. And you'll love me for who I am, as will I.|
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
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