And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
. // bloglinks +
airina
artieee
bjössi
brandon
caterina
chillicrapblog
chris (one-year-gap)
cordelia
dhalif
donald
ember
ewan
ewen
fadil
frances
giggs
guthrie
huiwen
ian
ivy
jane
jay
kenny
labbit
leck koon
leonard
linus
marcus
maria
melissa
melvin
michelle
morganth
nat ho
nat yong pamela
potatobiscuit
pris meimei
rudi
sade
samantha
sidney
siew ling
silver
sharon
stacy
terentius
travis
tom
wenting
zhen ru
. // archives +
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My relationship with Ryan has gone up one notch, and towards the next chapter. We discuss cartoons. Yes! The one thing that is close to each of us! I'm kidding about the next chapter thing. At least it goes to show we're comfortable with the distance for now. I mean, I know he'll be back. Someday.. (when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold, I wi-- oops)..
I just finished baking a batch of shepherd's pie... Maybe next time I should try filling muffin tins with the mixture instead of an entire baking tin. That way I get pielets. Yeah, that sounds good. And it'll be easier to carry around too. Hehe.
I just realised that I had forgotten Jonathan's birthday. Goodness, I'm such an idiot. Well, Patrick's birthday is coming too, one day before National Day. I had intended to get him something... but I didnt' recall that it was THAT soon. Come to think of it, Junqi's birthday is coming, and so is Yingxiang's... So is Gareth's too. GAH! So many...
You know... I've been thinking of extracting Chrystal's journal in NwN and turning it into a blog or something. Or a record of what has been going on in Myth Drannor with Elwyn and Respyn and the other people around her. That way it'd be easier to play, I guess. And adds realism to the character. I've been writing Chrystal's journal since some time in April, when she was still with Elwyn. It's got alot of random stuff though. Hehe.
Just a passing thought.
. // prawninator | 16:13 + ~ I was being bored, so I tried to think of something to write here. Turns out that I've found out a new way to lose weight, inspired by a friend of mine along with his girlfriend, who are both avid movie-goers.
Here are the price listings through the week.
$6.50: Mon - Thurs
$7.50: Thurs Preview, Fri
$8.50: Fri aft 5pm - Sun
Allot yourself $10 a day.
Watch a movie every day of the week, leaving the change for food and/or drink. Before the movie, have a meal or something light. $3.50 on Mondays to Thursdays can get you a meal in the foodcourt or Long John's. Pretty budget, but that's how it works. Otherwise, get a salad or something, along with some bread.
Forget about "Movie Food" such as popcorn, hotdogs, and forget about the Coke to bring in to the theater as well. Instead, arm yourself with a 1.5l bottle of water (plain, mineral, boiled if you must) and try not to drink too much before going into the theater; the toilets would be filled with people after the movie.
Afterwards, if you have spare cash, save it.
Don't eat anything else except mommy's home-cooked food when you reach home later in the evening. Steer clear from bread, rice or noodles, but eat more vegetables instead. Yeah.
Repeat the following week, and if there aren't anymore shows for you to watch, pick out one that you have seen before and watch it again. Either that, or save the $10, and watch a VCD/DVD at home with a homemade sandwich or salad to accompany it.
Having said that, I should try it some time.
Anyone wants to be my movie-kaki?
. // prawninator | 11:26 + ~ So I was overreacting last night. Ah well. It's the hormones, I tell you. This time of the month and stuff, yeah. And the sheer disappointment of sitting on a lousy mattress waiting for something good to happen when it doesn't. Nyargh.
We were talking about a whole lot of random things. Like when I mentioned that I have a lecturer who's the Devil incarnate and he said that I should make sure my lecturer knows that my boyfriend is "The Coming Darkness" and he better be nice to me. Why "The Coming Darkness"? In literal pronunciation, Ryan is pronounced as "Lai An" in Chinese, or "Coming Darkness". It doesn't mean that, really. It's something to do with honesty or something.
Then he mentioned his middle name, Truett, which basically means being true of heart, being true to yourself. And I know it's a nice name... so I mentioned how I wanted to name my son "Truett" in the future, because of the meaning behind it. Incidentally, so did he. Then we both sat there for a few seconds of awkward silence.
Gee. The coincidences.
He even mentioned something about his mom commenting that his room was hit by a tornado. Reminded me of MY mom, and when I mentioned that, he just said, "We are of like mind. Just remember that. *wink*" Hahaha. All this is uncanny. I mean, seriously. I find it strange and kinda funny. And he gets a Good Conduct Award today too! Three years without getting into too much trouble and having good marks on all of his evaluations. He's been a good boy.
Ah well.
Strange things happen.
He's coming back to Singapore in November, and wants to take me back to the US next summer, to look for a house and a school. But my mother wants to send me to Edith-Cowan, in Perth. I mean, even Perth is miles away from Melbourne, where Samantha would be. I'd be like... alone, still. Garghalafalama. Well... we'll see how things go... I don't think everything can be perfect though, I just want them to be... good.
. // prawninator | 10:24 + ~ I had rushed home as soon as I could because I knew you'd be online, just like what you had told me last night. And sure enough, you were... Just... not there. And I had been waiting in front of the machine ever since... until you logged off just now.
All I wanted to do was just to talk to you for a couple of minutes. That would probably suffice, after your weekly 3-day hiatus that I've grown to expect every weekend. I already don't expect much from you. But you were the one who told me to be online tonight. And I was. But you weren't. Of course I was expecting you to come online sooner or later. Not offline.
Imagine my disappointment when you suddenly logged off.
You never said one word throughout the four hours I was sitting here... waiting. Not one single word. Just... the sound of the door closing as you logged off. Not pretty. Remember when you said you'd call but you left your phone at your friend's place? Not that I can blame you, but I was really looking forward to talking to you. Looks like I raised my hopes waaaaaaay too high. Heh. What's the big fuss about being on or offline, calling or not calling? Don't raise my hopes so high only to crush them. I have enough of that from the people around me.
I don't want you to be labelled under them.
I love you.
That's why it hurts so bloody much.
. // prawninator | 20:33 + ~ I was out last night singing my lungs out in a supposedly secluded area near the Esplanade. And one of the song's lyrics just... Got to me in a certain way. I actually didn't notice it before then. It's an old song, a common one even... but it's special to me somehow.
Ryan's far away. And although it does hurt, I'd be right here waiting for him... Well. Nothing much else I -can- do now is there? At least there are emails, phonecalls and instant messages whenever either one of us is free.
Had a YIM conversation with him the other day. He told me something about his anger management, saying that he rarely gets pissed, but when he does, he breaks really bad. And from what he tells me, I'm not about to doubt that. But it's okay. There are very few things that make him mad. I just gotta know what these things are and keep clear from them.
Maybe one of them is broccoli. Hm.
Kidding there.
I soooo want to see him in uniform though.
Anyway, the song I was referring to is Right Here Waiting.
(Cheesy, I know. So sue me.)
Oceans apart
Day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice
On the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
I see you next to never
How can we stay forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted
All the time
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter and
I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we came so survive
This romance, but in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance
[Instrumental Break]
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
(I'll be, I'll be right right here, oh waiting on youuuuuuuuu)
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I'll be right here waiting for you
Oh, I love you
Oh whatever it takes
Whatever you do
Where ever you go
I'm never leavin' you (I Will Be Waiting)
I'll be right here waiting, for youuuuu oh oh, youuu...
Ahhh. I love that song.
. // prawninator | 21:34 + ~
Had jamming this afternoon with the band. And gosh, I feel soooooooooo damn good right now, like I'm on a musical high. The last time I felt like this was after the IMM gig. But still!!
We managed to complete a few songs today. I have to tighten up on my part for Ordinary. Mastered Look What You've Done and I have to learn Stumblin', Rockin' Rocks and Smoke On The Water from scratch. But it's amazing the progress we had. I guess working together as a group for so long just tightened us all up, enabling us to work together better.
Weixin just wasn't in tune most of the time. But it's okay. Practice practice practice. I prefer Peter's voice for Look What You've Done though... Weixin's still a little shaky, and needs to tighten up his notes. Looks to me like he's forgotten alot of what he learnt in choir. But that's all right. I'll work with him. We gotta practice for August. Argh.
I mean, Jireh's already starting to nag. Hahaha.
I pity Joshua.
. // prawninator | 18:41 + ~ I had wanted to collect my certificate today, since I didn't manage to do so yesterday when I found out that I hadn't brought my collection slip. I am -SO- mad at myself. But noooo I had to procrastinate and collect it on MONDAY. It's going to be a looooooooong trip from Bishan to Eunos. GAH. Why can't they send the bloody piece of paper to my doorstep. So much easier. *mumbles*
Anyway, I was taking the bus on the way home tonight and this cute guy sat next to me, with his whole bunch of friends on the other aisle. Then he leant further and further towards my seat as he tried to take a photo of his friends. I was blushing the entire time, I think... but I concentrated on my music anyhow. Hahaha.
Then lo and behold, Jason, my secondary school senior and crush boarded the bus. And he looks pretty good now, considering how he didn't use to be that hunky when we were in school. He's slimmed down so much and looks sooooo much better now! But aaaahh my face went red when I saw him. I kinda didn't know what to say to him.
You see... He knew I had a crush on him then, even though I never told him until a year ago, when he had decided to treat me to dinner. But he knew. So we were just talking... and then I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said no, because nobody wanted him. I was shocked, because he really looks damn good now. So I casually mentioned, "I want leh, how?"
"Aiyo, you hor.."
"No lah, joking. That was a long time ago."
"Yeah, I know."
Hahaha.
I really gotta grab him out one day for a meal. Really have alot to catch up on. After all, I've known him for about... seven years, I think? Yeah that's a pretty long time. Old friends seem to be popping up all over the place, which reminds me. I saw Dean while walking back from Parklane last night. Maybe I oughta at least call them. At least they seem to be interested in keeping the friendship alive, and not listen to vicious rumours and "false advisors" like a couple of people I decline to mention.
Backstabbers will have their retribution.
. // prawninator | 23:39 + ~ How time seems to fly.
I met up with Dan, Raven, Starfire, and Sern this evening to have a little LAN gaming session. Tried to call Remy, but he got into a little trouble with his girl's parents so I'm leaving it as that. Michael (Sharpshooter) was still in camp, Aggressor was busy tonight and Smackie had something on (as usual). And oh yeah, Hanz is still not back from Seattle.
I just realised how long I've known them, and how I got to know them too.
I first met Michael in IRC, and then met him face to face on one of those little channel outings. He had brought Remy along. I still remember how Remy helped me carry my guitar and even tried to run away with it. Hehehe. We hit off quite well, and became a couple later on. During the polytechnic application, I met Daniel for the first time, introduced by Remy and Michael.
After that, everything started snowballing. I met Raven and Aggressor (who are brothers) next, during LAN gaming sessions that we had once in a (very short) while in Ginza or other places. I think it was then that Remy drafted me into IDM. After that, it was Hanz, who is Dan's childhood friend. Dennis (Smack) joined, by Dan's invitation, followed by Starfire, who was Dan's oldest TFC friend. Then came Sern, who is our newest addition, and we hit off immediately too.
Actually, we all did. Gee.
Come to think of it, I've known Mike and Remy for close to four years now, along with Daniel, and Rav + Agr about three years... And I realised that the last time I had seen Sern before today was just about two years ago. Wow. The last time I saw Starfire was at his wedding, and the last time I saw Dennis was during the UT2K3 launch. And the last time EVERYONE was really here for real was on my birthday two years ago. That's a pretty long time. I just didn't notice until today, really.
And how much everyone has changed.
I just hope they wanna go out and have a drink soon. It's been a long time since I've been out with them, and I'm not gonna let it hang there again. So far I've tried to organise events on their birthdays and other holidays, but no one seems to be free, Hanz in Seattle, Starfire in Melbourne, Rav and Mike in NS, Remy with his girl, Agr and Sern just starting school, Dan and Dennis at work, and me still struggling with school. It Doesn't Matter, really.
Here's to many good years ahead anyway.
Here's to IDM.
. // prawninator | 23:58 + ~ Been a while since I last blogged. Not that anyone's reading this POS anyway. Did some major catching up with Ryan online. Seems like he's being swamped with work, even though he's been working doubly hard. Says his in-tray keeps on filling itself when he's not looking or when he's on watch. Doesn't help much that his "partner-in-crime" is on leave. Hehehe.
But it was good to talk to him again, with all the hubbub about him going to get an eye rack fitted, about him switching orders from staying in Japan to San Diego. He only had that much time to write a short note once in a while, which goes to show how busy he is. Still, I don't want to him to get that eye rack fitted. It scares me badly. He's now on 48hr standby until October. But it's okay, as long as I get to see him again. I mean... So many people out there don't treasure their boy/girlfriends just because they're there by their sides every day.
For me, I have to worry if he might get killed on the battlefield, or if his ship gets sunk or whatever. I don't know half of what he does in Japan, and I don't know nuts about whether or not he's telling me the truth about half of what he does. After all, I have competition up there. Sexy ones too. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he does go for them, I have enough trust in him to know he wouldn't.
Ah well. I've got a long day tomorrow.
I gotta go collect my Diploma, then I gotta go meet up with a couple of friends before meeting Jireh at Bras Basah... then I gotta go to Dhoby Ghaut to meet Starfire, Dennis, Daniel, Yiyong, Sern and hopefully GH. Gonna LAN our butts off. Yeah!
Anyway, I found this riddle while sifting through my documents.
'Twas whispered in Heaven, 'twas muttered in hell,
And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell;
On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,
And in the depths of the ocean its presence confes'd;
'Twill be found in the sphere when 'tis riven asunder,
Be seen in the lightning and heard in the thunder;
'Twas allotted to man with his earliest breath,
Attends him at birth and awaits him at death,
Presides o'er his happiness, honor and health,
Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.
In the heaps of the miser 'tis hoarded with care,
But is sure to be lost on his prodigal heir;
It begins every hope, every wish it must bound,
With the husbandman toils, and with monarchs is crowned;
Without it the soldier and seaman may roam,
But woe to the wretch who expels it from home!
In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found,
Nor e'er in the whirlwind of passion be drowned;
'Twill soften the heart; but though deaf be the ear,
It will make him acutely and instantly hear.
Set in shade, let it rest like a delicate flower;
Ah! Breathe on it softly, it dies in an hour.
I already know the answer... but to whoever wants to try to solve it, be my guest. I think I would find it interesting as to who would get it right.... or wrong. Hehehe.
. // prawninator | 23:31 + ~ Ohmygod. I almost thought my website was down but no.
I had a pleasant surprise instead.
www.evilprawn.com is now UP AND RUNNING! And will be until 2005, or until I choose not to renew the domain registration. I'm a happy girl now. So update links and everything else. And the world will be a better place to live in. *nods sagely*
I mean, I'm probably the only girl in my circle of friends that can properly appreciate a gift of a bouquet of RAM sticks instead of flowers, or a new high-end gfx card instead of a teddy bear, or better yet, a fully-customised and modified PC to suit my gaming and designing needs instead of a car. And even Terentius agrees with me. I'd probably marry the person who gives me a computer that is up to my standards. No wait, I take that back.. I'm just desperate for a new computer.
Go ahead and call me weird.
I don't care what people call me anymore. They can talk about me all they want. If I find out, I'll be hurt of course, but it's all in the name of learning experience. Still, that does NOT give anyone the liberty to talk about me behind my back. I'm just telling you how I'd react to it. Ah well. Shit happens.
But right now, I'm happy.
*BOINGS*
. // prawninator | 22:11 + ~ Item: EvilPrawn, aka Perlin
Instructions: Use only when you feel like it.
Discard after use.
If problems surface, discontinue use.
Active Ingredient: Disappointment
Side effect: Item can retaliate.
Not intended for fairweather or two-faced people.
Also not intended for people with high levels of materialism.
. // prawninator | 03:10 + ~ Singapore is really TOO small.
You see... when I was watching soccer with Josh and Andrew, I met this guy, Simon there too. Never met him previously, but I found out that he (he's kinda cute though..) was Brandon's "disciple". Okay, I thought it wasn't that bad that he knew Brandon too, only because most of us did. So no problems there.
But then I returned home last night to Simon SMSing me to add him to MSN. And when I did, he asked me if I knew a Christopher from my secondary school, and now in FSV, because both him and Andrew knew him and were talking to him yesterday. I replied that yes, I knew a couple and I asked him which one. He mentioned a bassist. My drummer can't play the guitar for nuts, so it can't be him. Then he mentioned that the Chris is a friend of my bassist and the rest of my band. And I asked if he took photography. He said yes.
Immediately I asked Joshua what course Christopher from "One Year Gap" was in this year, and he said FSV, which kinda confirmed my suspicions. It was the phototaking nerd which I had gotten to know during the Streetfest at IMM. So I asked for his MSN contact, after which I promptly invited him into the conversation where Simon and I were talking. I can't remember the contents of the conversation, but still.
Singapore is waaay too small.
Must... move out...
Argh.
. // prawninator | 11:35 + ~ Hm. I just had Yahoo Messenger installed because Ryan can't seem to get MSN Messenger working. Or connected, rather. But that's okay. YIM's pretty nifty. Don't know if it has a contact limit like MSN does, but I think I'll have YIM especially for him or something. Unless anyone intends to get/already has it. In that case, just let me know.
Ryan and I are planning on writing a book. Well, not really a book. It's going to be like a compilation of our written works, and maybe some of my drawings and paintings as illustrations. But we haven't done anything so far. So we're gonna discuss it more in depth when he visits.
Thursday's the last paper. Whoopie! After that a few more months of school and I'M FREE! Hahaha. Anyway, I'm planning to go for a steamboat dinner Thursday evening. And just eat! I know I've put on alot of weight already, but still. Doesn't hurt to eat! You only live once, you know.
I should have taken a picture of Jac on Monday. No, seriously. I was lucky this time I'm sitting diagonally across from her instead of directly behind her, and I'm soooo glad she was wearing a shirt! Ah hah, but this is the thing. She was wearing a pink striped shirt with capped sleeves and get this. ELECTRIC BLUE TRACK PANTS! To top off the fashion disaster, she wore a denim trench coat, in faded bluegreen and grey trainers. I thought my taste in fashion was bad. Until I met her.
Alright, I need to clear THAT out of my system. Food.
Need... food..
. // prawninator | 23:35 + ~ There were only three times when I saw Samantha cry that badly. Once was when she found out something REALLY bad about her ex, once was when Nicholas left her, and once was last night.
And honestly it really hurts for me to see her cry that way. I'm not really involved in the situation, so all I can actually do for her is to well... just be there for her. Talked to her, consoled her.
And I really feel terrible about this entire thing.
I'm the one that introduced Shannen to her.
I'm the one that introduced Nick to her too.
Gah. I feel so guilty. I feel this entire thing is my fault. I mean, honestly... if I hadn't done all that introducing, none of them would be so upset right now. And Samantha regrets not going to Ngee Ann. But if she had gone to Ngee Ann I wouldn't have gotten to know her... And that's not something I want to think about right now. She's a special person, I'll have you know. A better friend than several people I decline to mention.
No, I'm not lesbian. I have my Ryan. Speaking of whom, he called me this morning while I was still half-awake. Nyargh. But it was really comforting to hear from him again after three days of apparent disappearance. I was getting quite worried. But still.
And my mom refuses to buy me a new bed.
I've been sleeping on this one since I was FIVE!
Her reason?
"You might be going overseas to study or marry someone abroad whaaat. Why should I waste my money on buying you a new bed?"
*smacks forehead*
. // prawninator | 19:13 + ~
Hm.
Tired.
Bored.
VERY bored.
Nyargh, exam in two hours.
Dead.
VERY dead.
Oh well.
Wish me luck.
preferably good.
. // prawninator | 12:22 + ~ I had been doing practically nothing and studying for the past few days, but nothing, NOTHING can erase that awful memory from my head. NOTHING. I mean, honestly. Most 21 year old girls/women would know how to shave their underarms before wearing a sleeveless top out, right?
Not the one that sat in front of me during the exam.
Yes, the notorious Jac, does NOT shave her underarms. Not that I find it shocking or anything, it's her choice whether or not she wants to shave them... but at least don't show it to the world. I don't know how many bloody times she raised her hand to ask a question and almost always, I get distracted, look up, and it's all there. One sparse bush peeking out from under her arms.
She thinks she's a woman now, though, saying things like, "I'm more mature than you! You're only eighteen! I'm already twenty-one!" as though her being 21 has anything to do with the maturity of her intelligence. It's all too annoying.
Man... I can almost imagine her pointing at a guy's penis and asking, "What's that?" in her whiney and nasal voice should anyone try to bed her. And that would be when she's what, fifty or something? I understand I'm annoying too, but I sure do hope I'm not as annoying as she is.
Oh man, I feel so bitchy today.
. // prawninator | 20:32 + ~ Today's paper was awful.
And I mean totally AWFUL.
I don't think I'd be able to get an A or B or C... but I'd be thankful if I get a D and pass and not be subjected to sit for the damned supplementary paper I soooo do not need. Spent the hour before the paper cramming everything I could into my tiny little head.
I so hate memorisation.
That's the only reason why I failed history in the first place. Ryan on the other hand absolutely LOVES history and mathematics, two of my worst subjects back in secondary school. I guess no matter how many similarities we might have, we're bound to have differences. It just goes to show how unique we all really are.
Went out with Samantha after the paper. Was supposed to go meet Weizhong, but something cropped up at the last minute. I'm not complaining, really. How would you feel if someone called you in the middle of the night for no apparent reason? Well... Yeah I guess that's how I feel. Hee.
We had gone for a dinner/lunch thing at LJS, only to remember on the bus later on that the Singapore Food Festival had JUST BEGUN! I was kinda pissed at myself... but not as much until Sam and I realised that we had taken the wrong bus, and ended up on the wrong side of City Hall. So we instead, walked to this secluded beach thingy along Nicoll Highway and started talking, singing and laughing and dancing around. It was madness, but fun.
Walked to The Esplanade where she introduced me to the delicate pleasures of chocolate coated fruit. Hahaha. Chocolate dipped strawberries. Really nice. No, I mean, it was really good. Headed up to the rooftop where we sang and talked some more until the security guard told us it was closing. So we decided to head back home.
And here I am.
I was bored when I got home so I counted the number of emails Ryan had sent me over the past month. I was shocked when I realised it was just about a hundred, not counting the week he was in Singapore. Well... He said he'd be able to support me through school in Texas, but only on one condition. I'm not saying what, not yet at least, but all I'm saying is that I'm still considering his proposal. It might involve another few more years of waiting, but patience brings the greatest rewards.
And I feel that he's my greatest reward.
Looking forward to November..
Why is it taking so long!?
. // prawninator | 23:47 + ~
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
:D
We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.
:)
