And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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. // prawninator | 11:40 + ~ Christmas has come and gone, and by far, the only presents I've received is a Lord of The Rings Complete 12-DVD Edition set from Chris, and a nicely framed message from Samantha. I'm grateful, really. Thank you, both of you.
I've actually had the best Christmas ever this year.
Christmas eve was spent at work, really. Almost the whole of Christmas eve, at least. Worked until 11pm, after which I joined Nick, Marcus and Chris for a smoke and a drink. Lemme tell you this; Orchard Road was a bloody WARZONE. Cans of fake snow and stringy stuff were strewed all over the street, and the people selling them were making quite the lucrative business.
Honestly, I was a victim of fake snow when Barbie just came and sprayed me in the face with the stuff, after which I snatched the can away from her and proceeded to spray her back. That's when the full scale war for the four of us (Nick, Marcus, Chris and I) began.
We bought a few cans and just sprayed whoever came our way, and we got sprayed back too. It was fun, crazy too. I was just having so much fun, until my can ran out and I was bombarded by six or seven can-wielders. It wasn't so bad, I just wiped my glasses and I could see again.
Chris on the other hand wasn't so lucky. HIS can ran out too, and you know locals; they pick on caucasians especially when it comes to this kinda thing. Some passersby just cornered him and all of us (including me, shamelessly) sprayed him endlessly until he was some sorta walking snowman. It was hilarious.
Marcus and Nick both went crazy with their cans. I bought another one and sprayed everyone who didn't get sprayed at yet. Sheesh, I felt like a child again. When I ran out of fake snow (and money) I just went around to people wishing them a Merry Christmas instead.
Nick, was a little more cruel. While walking towards the Dubliner's Pub, Nick politely asked a little boy if he could borrow his can. I promptly hid behind Marcus (who can't really hide me, by the way), but Nick just sprayed the little boy and his entire family, and everyone (including the victimised family) just burst into laughter.
It was great, really.
And tonight... full moon and everything, Chris and I were just at Marina Park after dinner, stargazing. It was pretty magical, really. When we were just admiring how beautiful the moon was, the clouds almost... magically parted, clearing the sky, allowing us to see the stars and the moon. It was just so bright.
After we tore our attention away from the sky we started talking about stuff, and when we looked back up to the sky, the clouds had come back. Everything was shrouded by white fluffy clouds again. Strange, but true! Took a cab home after that and got scolded by my mom. Even Chris was like, "How old are you again? You SURE you're twenty? Your parents make it sound as though you're sixteen."
Still. It was the best Christmas ever.
. // prawninator | 01:48 + ~ Christmas is coming.
My parents are back from Shanghai, and I suddenly realise that I'm spending a lot less time with people I know. I don't feel guilty about it; I have to work. I want to work. I like my job. I might not like certain colleagues very much, but I like my job. But it's not because of my job that I HAVE to work.
Now, see this is why I have to work.
Every month after CPF deduction I get about $800. $200 goes to rent which leaves me with $600. I work in the city area so food is $200, so I'm left with $400. Transport to and from work, I set aside $100. So, $300 left. I have a part in the utility bills now, so $100 goes to that. I'm left with $200. Phonebill? I set aside $100. Sooo... $100 is left. Internet bill, $60. So all I get for personal savings a month is...
$40.
Forty miserable dollars. NOW you know why I don't go out? I'm struggling to make ends meet. People around me, buying clothes and presents for themselves, their friends and family. I.. can't even afford to go for a beer once a month, let alone buy stuff. Sure I buy games, but that's eating into my savings. And people claim they're broke and poor.
My life's so routine, so empty now. I wake up, go to work, come back from work, sleep; and the cycle repeats itself the next day. And the next. And the day after that.
A colleague keeps telling me that I need a significant other in my life. Sure, I have a significant other, albeit one I don't see every day... or month, for that matter. I'm also lucky I guess, to have someone where others don't.
"Count your blessings, name them one by oneCount my blessings INDEED.
Count your blessings, see what God has done"
. // prawninator | 22:31 + ~ I have a nutjob narcissist for a friend.
. // prawninator | 13:36 + ~ He replied.
I should be happy, shouldn't I? After a month, he responded. A month of anxiety, waiting, and downright misery, he responded. So why do I feel the way I do? I don't feel indifferent. I don't feel happy either. I just feel terrible. Miserable. Angry, maybe. Disappointed, maybe.
Call me selfish, because I know I am.
Who wouldn't be?
You'd think that after such a long time he'd write something with substance. All he told me was a couple of sentences. That his mom, sister and brother were fine, and that he's now in San Antonio (for god knows what) and he managed to track down his dad. So it told me everything (or some) in a nutshell. No details, nothing.
Just another short message like the one he sent me one month ago.
What am I supposed to do, laugh?
Sure I smiled a little, because it was him. He responded (finally) and I'm happy. Kinda. Maybe. Sorta. But I've been feeling so out of sorts and everything, it's driving me crazy. Everything's driving me crazy. Because of work, I don't hang out with my friends as much. Because of my family, I stay home whenever I have the time.
So many times I think of straying away from him, but I told myself not to. Why? Because I love him, and harbouring those thoughts alone constitute (to me, at least) as cheating. And I would never, NEVER want to cheat on Ryan. He isn't perfect, but to me, he is. But I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?
I miss him, go figure.
Too much, maybe...
. // prawninator | 01:02 + ~ I haven't been posting a lot lately, have I? Well. I'm just experiencing too much. Work, relationships, school... everything seems to be going downhill for me for some reason. Well... not some reason. Some in particular, and some I have no intention of posting.
Met up with Daniel, Vayne and Brandon on Tuesday. It was good to see them again, even though Daniel and Bran have not much hair left, from being in the army. Hehe. Daniel was alright with his look, but Brandon wouldn't take off his cap. Bah. I'd love to see him bald. We watched Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, as we had missed Alexander. Vayne is DEFINITELY not someone who likes to watch chick films... Well. Either that or he didn't want to this time, because he, like me, suffered from heartbreak in one way or another.
In his case, it's because of some online relationship he has with a girl in somewhere in the United States. I don't want to invade his privacy by dumping it all here, so that's where it ends. A sort-of failed relationship.
In my case, it's been nearly a month, and I have yet to get a reply from Ryan. No phonecall, no email, no mail, nothing in particular. As though he wasn't making any effort to contact me at all. I don't want to think that way, but it's a possibility isn't it? It's eating into me, damn it.
Nothing hurts more than uncertainty.
Especially not now.
. // prawninator | 10:59 + ~ www.evilprawn.com has gone down.
My host has been experiencing problems so... yeah.
. // prawninator | 09:11 + ~ "You're naive, stupid, and just plain faithful, Perlin. Naive because you don't know how the US Navy works. The longest time I've gone without emailing someone was 6 - 7 days, max. Not 2 - 3 WEEKS. Stupid, because I know that you know all that and yet you still feel guilty. Faithful, because I know that you know all that and yet you still hang onto Ryan.
If I were you I'd have moved on with my life."
. // prawninator | 14:10 + ~
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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