Zhou Pei Lin

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

Yin Yang

. // bloglinks +
chris (one-year-gap)
leck koon
nat ho
nat yong
pris meimei
siew ling
zhen ru

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Saturday, December 31, 2005

Dear Ms Smith,

Thank you very much, from the bottom of my very scarred and broken heart that you never seemed to notice I had in the first place. Still, I don't blame you for putting the blame on the rest of us. That's not my style however much it is yours.

Asking me to forgive you is like asking me to gouge my eyes out with a plastic KFC spork. I would never do something like that. Besides, if I had been in your shoes, I wouldn't have blamed you either. You treated me like a pawn in your little game, the game you said you never intended to play but did. You betrayed me. Betrayed us both. Then again with that very last email you had sent me, I should've known I couldn't have trusted you.

At all.

Because of your selfishness, and your tactless motions, I have lost a friend, with whom I had built up a friendship over the course of three years. THREE YEARS, Miss Smith. During which I fell in love with him. YOU let go of him because you technically had nothing else to lose. I had a long-standing relationship with a man who didn't even know who you were when we had established a stable friendship.

I admit I was wrong for talking about him behind his back. What I never did was to spread any lies about him. I suppose I could've told you too much, but trust me, it was never my intention to have hurt HIM because unlike you, I forgave him.

What you did was of extreme cowardice. I detest you for trying to defend yourself, putting me in a difficult situation, a situation that we were trying to keep YOU out of as well, when he brought up the matter of the sex video you and him made while he was in Texas. Oh yes Ms Smith. I know about the video. I have seen that video too. And now I almost hope he mosaics out his face to protect his identity and posts that video on the Internet.

Almost. I'm not THAT mean.

Apparently, he thinks we're in it together Ms Smith, when you said so yourself that you didn't want me interfering. Which I didn't. So you tell me to back off. And then you tell him we're collaborating. So I applaud you and your twisted mind, Ms Smith. I am not known to hate people easily, and what you did brought me extremely close.

Forgive you indeed.

I'd sooner kill myself than to forgive you.
(which will never happen)


ps: And a Happy Fuckin' New Year's to you too.

. // prawninator | 16:12 + ~

More news from the Drama Front.

I think I could write a book about this entire situation.

"The Battle of The Exes"

What a great title, don't you think? After all, it is the sad, dramatic tale of a compulsive liar and deceiver, who got romantically involved with some people who loved him at some point, amongst whom was a backstabber, who turned around and stabbed people who were trying to protect her, in the back. It'll be a hit. A bestseller. </sarcasm>


. // prawninator | 02:03 + ~

Friday, December 23, 2005

Christmas is just around the corner.

It's a little somber though, considering how both my dad and myself lost our jobs, and are desperately trying to find another. Well, at least I am, Dad's kinda doing his own thing right now. Retirement thing? I don't know. Some sorta business venture. I find it odd, though. But he's happier. I guess that's all I'd ask.

I haven't been writing much because I have been pretty ill over the past few weeks. Fever, runny nose, cough, sore throat and worse, lung congestion. Every night when I try to sleep I have very labored breathing. I wheeze with every breath of air I take and it gets to me, you know?

So yeah.

I was well enough tonight to go out with Jaymee and catch a movie. We watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. It was quite ... lovely to say the least. Well, then again TLTWaTW was the first book that ever got me into Fantasy. It was beautiful. I read the book when I was six, and I fell in love with the magic. Did I mention how I had a vivid imagination when I was a child? I dreamt up the World of Narnia in my head when I was young. I was actually scared of the White Witch then. Hehe.

Jaymee and I talked about a whole host of things. About her new life as a wife, about my new life as an unemployed gamer, and how her husband was just slightly interested in me because I was that damned hardcore about games (according to him). So what is the deal with me and married men?! Guh.

That aside, I had a pretty good day. I guess the rain and the fresh air eased my lung congestion by a lot, and I can breathe properly now. I'm feeling a lot better and should be back in action soon. In fact, I'll be going out for a little Christmas thing with Sam, Linus and Jane tomorrow evening. That'll be fun, all four of us again, instead of Sam making a disappearance for two months. Pfft.

And in case I don't write by then, Happy Holidays to you and yours.

. // prawninator | 03:34 + ~

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Handwriting Analysis

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

. // prawninator | 22:23 + ~

Friday, December 09, 2005

Went to Guohan's little shop this evening, as part of my daily "Get Out Of The House" regime ever since I lost my job. One of Chris' demands was that I leave the house and take a walk around for at least an hour, just to get out of a confined space.

So I decided to pay my ex-colleague a little visit. Turns out his "shop" is just a little mobile glass shelving unit with games being displayed, right outside his parents' spectacles shop. It's modest, but he offers the cheapest prices in the country. But he seems to be doing all right, too.

Kenji was there too, to my surprise. So the three of us got together and played Wireless Mario Kart. Pretty awesome, but I kept losing. I should've used Mario instead of Wario. Bleh. The two kept on beating me until the last match that we played before I emerged victorious (for once). Hoo-ah!

It was good to see Guohan again, though. Missed him terribly ever since he left. And now that I am no longer working too, and made that trip down, feels good to feel welcome again by people in the same industry.

Am I even making sense?

I don't know.

Oh well, I'm tired.

. // prawninator | 21:55 + ~

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I am officially unemployed.
Today was my last day at work.

To put it in a nicer way, the company I was working for are cutting costs, and therefore removing staff from their payroll. I was one of them, the only one in the branch I worked at, and two others from the other branch. No hard feelings, both my boss and my manager were pretty civil about it. They'd better be, after working for them for a year and a half, with my manager always asking me for guys' numbers. Pfft.

So now both my father and I are unemployed.

I'll probably take a little break from this. Chris suggested I just kick back a little until I see him in March. Well, he DOES have one condition; that I go out for about at leaast an hour every day, just to get out of the house. I probably would.

My parents were extremely supportive too. Even my mother who knows that this would mean that she is the sole breadwinner of the family. I'll probably find a part-time job. Chris offered to help me out with my finances, but I don't want to rely so much on him when it comes to money. I'm not bad with money. I don't go shopping (unless it's for a game I REALLY want), and I don't really go out much, unless I'm asked and/or forced.

The sudden loss of income on both my dad's and my account has pulled my family closer together, it seems. We used to fight a lot. I was never home to see them awake. When I wake up, they'd be gone for work or school, and when I come home, they'd be fast asleep. Now, I get to spend more time with them. Even going to church every Sunday with Mom has brought us closer. We see things more eye-to-eye now than we used to.

(Mom made me go to church with her every Sunday as a condition for my trip to see Chris next March)

I guess with every bad thing, there's always a good thing in store in one way or another. I'm not deathly religious, but I guess whenever a door is shut on you, God opens a window, and it certainly feels that way right now.

I'm more grateful for what I have and who I have now. I have support from my family, some of my friends (or at least those who know about this), Chris, and even his family. I've grown to appreciate the little things they do for me; like going out to dinner and just talking, or even SMS's asking me how my day went.

I feel like a better person.

. // prawninator | 00:36 + ~

Sunday, December 04, 2005

This Is My Life, Rated
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score leaves room for improvement. You can make changes to improve your trouble areas, and this will bring you greater satisfaction. Focus on your weakest points and set about to change them. Do not delay your happiness and success.

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather low body score, which means that your physical health is not in a good condition. You must put a higher priority on your body, focusing on nutrition, exercise, and stress reduction. Proper focus will lead to great improvement, leaving you feeling energetic and happy.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score leaves room for improvement. Consider making a concerted effort to redefine your attitudes and focus your beliefs. Boosting your spirit will lead to greater life satisfaction.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is very high, which means you are in a very happy situation right now. Do all you can to keep it strong.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your finances are somewhat in the middle, neither bad or exceptional. Keep doing what works for you, and improve what doesn't. Focus on long-term financial stability as your goal.

. // prawninator | 01:36 + ~

Friday, December 02, 2005

It's been a good day at work today. Nobody came in, we sold a turquoise Nintendo DS console, we played Mario Kart, and had a World of Warcraft Gathering at the Prinsep branch. Not just that, Nick and Marcus came by to say hi. I haven't seen those two at the same time in the longest time, so we made up for it by going out tonight.

Basically after work, we had a little supper, the three of us shared a plate of chicken chop, and shared a few drinks and a lot of laughs. I miss hanging out with them. I've known them for so long, we're just very comfortable around each other, so all's good.

We hung out where we did last year at the sheesha place that we brought Chris too, and hung out there, just reminiscing on what we did that night, and how I burnt a little hole in his green t-shirt, and I mentioned how he STILL has that t-shirt and all. Hehe, it was funny.

Speaking of which, Chris called too, while I was hanging out with the two of them. We each took turns to talk to Chris, and I could tell Chris missed hanging out with them too. Basically Nick and Marcus were part of his experience in Singapore too, so I could totally understand. We cut our conversation short, as it was noisy and half the conversation was "what?" and "huh? I can't hear you!". No matter, I'm sure he was just cheered up talking with them for a bit. "Man, you just being there brings back memories of the place." said Chris.

I am, on the other hand, experiencing something weird. I'm not sure if it's anything serious, but I'm losing the feeling in my fingers and my feet. I can literally feel the numbness as I'm typing this. I can move my fingers fine (or I won't be able to type this out) but I can sense that there's something wrong with my blood circulation. According to Chin Hua, it's a sign of heart failure.

I guess I'm scared.

Maybe I'll go see a doctor tomorrow.. I really don't know what's going on. Even my reflexes have dulled and it's not a good feeling. I feel as though I've been drinking the whole night, yet am alert enough to still type and think a little.

Any suggestions or advice is welcome.

. // prawninator | 02:59 + ~

To whoever you are, wherever you are, I love you. I probably don't know you yet, but when I do, I'll know, and so will you. And you'll love me for who I am, as will I.

You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.

Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.

It's just a matter of time.

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