And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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Sometimes I cannot come to terms with the fact that he is no longer with us amongst the corporeal. Almost everything I do seems to have something to do with him, in terms of self-improvement. He urged me to move on, and I did. He helped me to accept myself no matter what others thought of me, and I did. He taught me to be strong and to believe in myself, and I am and I did, more than I was or did before.
He also told me to believe that happiness will come true, some day. It hit me today. There has been one dream, just one dream that I can remember vividly. I had this dream back in 2003. All I could feel was his arms around me, and all I could see were his happy eyes. His beautiful, happy eyes. No words. Just a profound warmth and comfort.
I remember waking up from the dream with such a heavy feeling of sadness that I started crying. I thought at that time that I would never be able to feel like that in reality. I thought that such a feeling of safeness and security would be something I could never, ever hope to experience. I wrote the dream down in hopes of remembering it, and of course soon after, forgot all about it. I later found happiness in all the wrong places and paid dearly for it.
He would have remembered.
Tonight, as I lay in bed next to Karl, I began to cry, knowing that I'll be separated with Karl again from Monday, and the pain is just tearing me apart. I know he told me that happiness will come true, but I still do not want to come to terms with the fact that it always comes with a price, and mine is separation from the man I love, the man I pledged to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how far apart we are.
And Karl just held me. Like he always does, but this time I could not help but remember the dream I had. The familiarity of the arms around me, the warmth, comfort, safeness and security that I had experienced in my dream flooding into me with just a simple, loving gesture, his beautiful eyes. I cried harder. I had found him, I had found the one I had been dreaming of.
It all seems so weird, to dream of someone or something, just a gesture or an object and not expecting it to turn up when you awaken, but having it hit you like a sack of bricks instead. It's difficult to comprehend, but that's how it feels. Déjà vu? Not quite. More like a gut instinct.
I know you, I was with you once upon a dream...
And now I have him in reality. Even though this whole application is taking its time... I really should not complain. After all, I found the one I have been dreaming about, however profound and weird it sounds, and he accepts me for who I am... I cannot complain. I love him, and I am glad that he loves me right back. I found my happiness.
. // prawninator | 19:31 + ~
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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