And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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You can never get a straight answer out of them.
But most women can't live without them.
I'm no exception.
Went to school this morning, late as usual, but still the third one to reach class. Oh well. I was happy. Over the moon. Elated. Euphoric. Joyous. What other happy words are there? I'd list them all. But the operative word is was. Why? I guess I was too happy... and thought maybe finally I could... you know... get an answer out of him... but woe is me (how dramatic) nothing of the sort returned. I got so afraid of rejection... afraid that he doesn't like me... afraid that he would avoid me, so much so that I just... cried. Right there in Bishan. I know, I'm a very emotional person. Sometimes I scare myself because of this. All the waves of feelings and sensations course through me so quickly that I have no time to react and just... break down.
So after having a piano-battle with Elijah, Sam and I took the train home... I started crying again. I couldn't help it. I don't know why. It just hurt so much, I didn't know how to take it at that point of time. When Sam alighted at Yew Tee, I carried on in the train to Jurong... but I don't know why I didn't alight there... I just sat there... and only when I reached Novena did I realise I had taken the train all the way back. So I got off and took a bus home. Again I started stoning... My toes were frozen purple and hurt but I didn't realise it until I saw the familiar Ayer Rajah Expressway... then I was conscious about my surrounding... and how much my toes couldn't move.
Walked from the bus-stop back home and nearly got run down by a bus number 14 coming from Clementi. I just... couldn't pay attention to anything. I don't know why, it's just painful.
I felt stupid.
I had gotten myself in almost an identical situation as last time, and getting hurt in it. Within two months too. What the hell is WRONG WITH ME?
I just want so much to be loved...
*cries*
If only he knew...
. // prawninator | 17:27 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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