And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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Made my way down to Peace Centre this morning to get my project printed out. But I left my thumb drive in their computer after I printed it. Walked back to Plaza Singapura and took a walk around, visited the arcade and sat in LJS reading my book and having my lunch...
And when I was about to go to the taxi stand... I saw..
Him.
The person whom I loved and still do was walking in the opposite direction as I was, by some stroke of luck (or a curse, perhaps, knowing that he's there but I can't have him) and his smile, his eyes, his overused cap. The first thought that came to my mind was "I'm dreaming, right?" We both stopped short in our paths. My instincts told me to run and hug him and cry and tell him never to let me go, but my mind controlled my feet and we both stared at each other for a while before managing an awkward smile and saying hello.
Asked him if he wanted to go have a drink or something and he reluctantly said yes. At Starbucks I met a junior of mine, a cute girl hehehe. She asked me if he was my boyfriend then I said that he WAS with emphasis on that word... and then I realised that I had left my thumb drive at Peace Centre. Asked him if he would like to go with me, and I noticed that he shifted a little uneasily in his seat, then I mentioned that Music City was there too and then he agreed. Honestly, the way to THIS ONE's heart is probably a guitar shop.
Picked up my thumb drive and followed him to the Guitar Gallery in Parklane, and sat there watching him play... and I realised that his playing was the first thing that led me to notice him the first time I met him. I just walked around the shop listening to his playing and trying to hold back my tears. Then he was done. I got myself a guitar pick and then we went next door to another guitar shop. Heh. Got myself two new soft picks!
Over at Plaza Singapura (again), we went up to the Yamaha music store... where again I watched him play. I find it strangely comforting whenever I watch him play the guitar. But it somehow stirs up old emotions, emotions I know I have to tuck away somewhere in my heart.
And then... he had to go. I only followed around because I had nothing to do. Walked to the taxi stand to find out that the queue for taxis was way too long and he had to meet his mom. So I led him to the bus stop outside Park Mall. We walked down that street as though we were strangers. We didn't look at each other and I was always a few metres ahead of him, if not I'm just passively standing at one side.
Only when he boarded the bus did the tears start flowing. I couldn't help it anymore. And all the way from Park Mall back home I was crying my eyes out. Yes, even in the bus. During the entire journey. I never realised how much I had missed him until I saw him today. It hurts really bad, trying to move on. He has it easy. He never loved me. But I loved him. I had loved a lie. The whole relationship was a lie...
Everything he was to me is a lie...
But still... why do I love him so much...?
. // prawninator | 23:52 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
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We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.
:)
