And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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I'm afraid.
Afraid of losing him.
Look at me, I'm not what you would call beautiful.
Having someone who cares for me is hard to come by.
God, I'm crying as I'm typing this.
Why the fsck am I crying?
I DON'T FSCKING KNOW!
He doesn't love me.
So? Does it really bother me? I can tell myself, "No, it doesn't bother me. I'm fine with it, I know what he's going through." but do I really feel that way? Of course I understand. But can I accept it? I don't know. I should just try to be considerate, and give way to him right?
He cares for me.
Yes he does, and although he can't handle love, I want to understand. I really, really want to try and understand. And also find out how... how it is to love someone who cares for you... but doesn't love you. It's a funny feeling. He's your boyfriend, he cares for you and he doesn't love you. Sure he likes you, but that's as far as it goes. Even Shannen took a picture of us and remarked that "Eh, you both look like you're not in love one!". I was floored. Because she made sense.
A friend told me not to force myself to keep this relationship. I'm not. At least I think I'm not. Then he asked me if I loved him. It took me a good while to think if I did. And yes, I love him. He's gonna be scared out of his pants, and probably freak out and break up with me or something, but I just needed to let it out.
I chanced by this poem while doing some reading... Seems like it describes a little of how I feel. Changed some of the words to suit the current situation. No offence to the author.
You came into my life
Quietly, simply, placidly
And my words stood still...
I couldn't express in words
Just in simple gestures
The feelings I kept in my heart.
So I loved in silence,
Admired you for who you are
Dreamt of you every night.
I wanted to say I love you...
I wanted to say I care.
But cowardly, maybe, you'll only leave me.
In silence then I will love you...
In silence then I will care...
Perhaps I can only love in silence...
Or maybe I'm just paranoid.
. // prawninator | 02:20 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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