B

B

Zhou Pei Lin





And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had





B
Yin Yang

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Friday, January 23, 2004

I've been having weird dreams as of late. Extremely weird, where I was feeling extremely cold and lonely, as though I'd never be happy again, and then I realised why. I was dreaming of death. I was staring it straight in the face and I didn't like it at all, not one bit. The entire... experience of it all is horrific. Especially when you're trapped in pitch-darkness, no way out and no way around... Everything seems to be closing in on you. You see your family and friends crying, but there's no way you can reach out to them...

Then there's the feeling of falling... where you just... freefall down a hole or something. You can't see the walls around you, you can't see your hand one foot in front of you. You just continue falling, and once in a while, images of those you love flash before you, as though reaching out to you to pull you out, to stop you from falling, but when your hand reaches theirs, they disappear and you just continue falling into an endless pit of cold darkness. It's scary.

And when you thought you've seen someone who is nowhere near the area right in front of you or a few aisles away, it only goes to scare me more. Perhaps it's just the mental pressure, or the emotional and physical barriers, the sheer impossiblity of it all. I don't want to even start to believe that my time is running out. It just can't be, I'm only twenty and I've got so much to live for... So many to live for... So many people I want to see... hold... touch...

But the dreams.. the nightmares...
Robbing me of sleep, stealing my sanity.

Maybe that's it.
Maybe I'm losing my mind...

. // prawninator | 00:24 + ~

|
To whoever you are, wherever you are, I love you. I probably don't know you yet, but when I do, I'll know, and so will you. And you'll love me for who I am, as will I.

You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.

Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.

It's just a matter of time.

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