And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
. // bloglinks +
airina
artieee
bjössi
brandon
caterina
chillicrapblog
chris (one-year-gap)
cordelia
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ember
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ewen
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pris meimei
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sade
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sidney
siew ling
silver
sharon
stacy
terentius
travis
tom
wenting
zhen ru
. // archives +
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Hanz had to go home for dinner though, so I had dinner over at Dan's place. Hung out for a while, tried that Beyond Good and Evil game again. It's pretty cool and the graphics are like, WHOA. No, seriously. Although the camera angles can be pretty tricky, it was GREAT.
After hanging out a while more and talking a little, Yihau and Changxing came over too. I must say, when Dan said earlier that Hau has changed, I didn't doubt him. He seems so much happier, so much more friendlier. It's amazing. I've never seen him so... full of life. Ever. It's really nice to see him smile and laugh. He's actually quite handsome, come to think of it. *shrugs* Heh, not that it matters.
I remember years ago when I first met him, he was this cocky, arrogant bastard that my (then) boyfriend, Remy, totally disliked. In fact, they had a mutual dislike. Which was interesting, really. Great change, for the better too. Good thing.
Very good thing.
Until I got home. Modem screwed, Dad screwing with the PC I have called my LIFE. Not literal screwing. He did some adjustments and shit, after which I had no sound and I couldn't connect to the Internet. I made him change everything back, after whih I still couldn't connect to the Internet, so now I have my old modem back. Whoop-de-do.
I'm tired now.
I should sleep.
. // prawninator | 23:45 + ~ Made a little something for Boland.
Took me four hours, but I'm finally done.
It's his character on Myth Drannor.
He drew the picture a couple of years back. I just painted it.
Morganth Silvermoon and his trusty little pixie, Arcane. And yes, she's naked. He likes things that way. Heh. I just thought it'd be nice to do it up... His friend Sammael says it's too "anime-ish" unpainted, but I did a good job. Happy about that.
And Boland liked it too.
[insert name] says:Awww! He loved it! Hehe.
i love it...i've never gotten a better gift..
This gives me inspiration to paint some more. Already Sammael has asked me to paint his character whenever I had the time. But his should be easy, dark clothes, hooded elf. With a big, black cat called Den'Dui. Yeah. Hehehe.
It's Boland's birthday tomorrow.
He's turning 22. I've already got something for him.
Gonna email that to him tomorrow, as well as snail mail a hardcopy of the above painting to him. If I can get it printed tonight, and if I can get an envelope A4 sized. Yeah.
. // prawninator | 20:19 + ~ Spent a good 15 minutes adjusting my template so that it doesn't look so stupid because of the fucked up and new navbar thingy in blogger blogs. Dammit Blogger.
. // prawninator | 21:49 + ~
I've been in a rather depressed mood as of late. I cannot state the reason why, but all I can say is that I'm really not in the mood to do anything for any reason at all. It just all hurts too much. Staring at the camera sitting atop my computer monitor, going to school, talking in MSN, Even playing in MD hurts for some reason.
I miss Ryan.
He called me up the other day to tell me he might not be able to come back to Singapore at all because he doesn't have a passport, since travelling with the navy doesn't really require you to have one. Of course, I was upset. On the flip side, I get to work on his kanji a little harder, and prepare a little present for him.
Emailing him is tough, other than the email I just received from him, I hadn't been really in touch since Saturday. Feels like forever, really. Felt so long. I just wish he wasn't going to be deployed. Although the people around me have really been supportive, the church and everyone, I still have my reservations. But good news is that the email he sent to me this afternoon says that he has done the paperwork necessary for him to apply for an international passport. He does stuff like this all the time, so I think he can handle it well enough.
As for now, I preoccupy myself with NwN, playing online and with different people. I met this one guy in MD, call him Boland. Many people say he's a jerk and everything, a major asshole. But I've been talking to him alot, and he didn't seem like the kinda person people portrayed him to be. I've read his old posts in the forums, he seemed like a very cold and insensitive person, but after a while, the mood on his posts seemed to change. Very strange. He opened up more and is alot more friendly.
Boland's a nice guy. Just wish something didn't have to happen. Ah well, life's like that. First you shit and then you shit some more. After all that, you get constipation. Not sure if I'm making any sense though. Heh.
I need to see him.
. // prawninator | 19:28 + ~ The gig was fine. I mean, we had to cut down eight songs into four, but who cares? We still got the chance to play, which was cool. I for one had no idea that the band name was changed from Red Horizon to Imperfection. But I think it's a nice name anyhow, I'd just wish someone would have told me earlier, so I wouldn't have been so shocked and surprised or whatnot.
Found out that my cable was faulty... and they didn't have any distortion amps, so I had to borrow someone's pedal. I've never used a pedal before, you see. I'm mostly used to my amp's distortion and what not. But it turned out pretty well. I was sweating like crazy though. It was pretty stuffy for an open area. Heh. Maybe I was nervous.
Met Hannah and Chunfong after such a long time. Met Mike Lee too after I've heard so much about him. Kaixiang, Fione, Kai, Joel, Isaac, and a couple others had come down to support us too. I feel so honored. ^^ Sam was late though. Heh.
Didn't really publicise this event much as I didn't know much about it, so decided to keep mum. Besides, I thought it was an "invite-only" thing, heh. I wasn't sure of anything at all, besides the fact that we were to play in Ngee Ann. Heh. Well, chances like this don't come very often. So I'm glad, even though we practiced four extra songs. Hehe.
Oh, and listen to Powderfinger.
And Breaking Benjamin's So Cold.
. // prawninator | 23:27 + ~ I just received a phonecall from Ryan this afternoon.
He had been on 48hr standby for deployment to this certain Middle-Eastern country. And yep, he has to leave within 48hrs. I'm so worried for him I'm almost in tears right now. But he says he's going to stay in the ship, which is a relief.. I really don't want him hurt in any way at all.
And hopefully they'll let him transfer to San Diego in November.
When he told me this afternoon while I was waiting to watch Supersize Me, I nearly screamed.. He just said something about being sent there in two days, and my reaction was, "You're WHAT?!!?!!" so loudly in GV Marina, but I was too concerned about Ryan's well-being to be even bothered by any stares that might have come my way.
Everybody's telling me that he'll be fine and all. But I'm still worried. I mean, no matter how much I try not to be, I still will be. Sam said that the stories they tell are all exaggerated and stuff. Sure she can say that, but it's not HER boyfriend being deployed there is it? I don't blame her for thinking that way. I'm just... worried.
I'm a worrywart.
Patrick can vouch for that fact.
So can Joonas.
And Jonathan.
And Samantha too.
But thanks to all who's been supportive and all. I really appreciate the concern, especially Sam. I know I must be a bitch for whining and being all worried about him, and I apologise in advance if I do snap. But really, thanks for the moral support and everything.
Right now... I want him to be safe..
Please, keep him in your prayers..
And please someone make my bloody headache go away...
. // prawninator | 22:03 + ~ Jireh said today that he has finally gotten over Leslie, and had come to accept the fact that he's never going to come back, after almost a week. Which is surprisingly fast, considering how close they were. But that's a good thing.
Practice today was rather productive. Weixin couldn't make it, so we did without vocals, just singing along when we felt like it. Feels good, really. Chris had stayed over at the Wong's the night before, so he was pretty tired and feeling sick by the time I arrived. It wasn't until about two hours after I arrived before we got down to any serious business.
Needless to say, Chris was feeling much better after jamming for a while. Managed to get some doubts about the music cleared up, and prepared hard for Friday. We don't have any original songs as yet, because we're still considered a cover band. But we try our best, know what I mean?
Here's the song lineup for Friday's performance:
(Not in order)
Jet - Look What You've Done
Train - Ordinary
Oasis - Stand By Me
Nightwish - Crimson Tide
Powderfinger - A Song Called Everything
Powderfinger - Rockin' Rocks
Powderfinger - Stumblin'
Robbie Williams - Better Man
Yep. That's it, I guess. Heh. We initially had quite a few more songs, but Weixin can't reach them, or it was just too tough for all of us to master within a month, all of us having school and such.
It's going to be an interesting Friday the 13th.
Oh yeah, and Happy Independence Day, Singapore.
. // prawninator | 21:59 + ~ It's Patrick's birthday today...
. // prawninator | 22:06 + ~
I had gone to Jireh's place this afternoon for band practice, to find out that one of the church members, Leslie, had died in a road accident on Tuesday morning. I wasn't really affected as I didn't really know him, but I could tell that Jireh was really upset about it, no matter how hard he was trying to be in a better mood.
At 7pm we stopped jamming when Weixin left, and I just fell asleep. The mood was pretty heavy today. It's sad. He was only twenty-five years old. But all three of us agreed that he's now in a better place, and that he hadn't lived in vain, having created a big impact in Jireh's life and several others' lives as well.
I guess that's how I want to live my life; make an impact on people. I don't necessarily have to be overly-godly or anything. But I guess no one would really know what I've done for them until I'm gone, dead and cold. Doesn't matter now, though. As long as I'm not taken for granted.
On the way back home from dinner, I saw Caterina. She's still as skinny as ever, but we managed to chat a while, as I was on the way to Dover and she was heading for supper with a friend. While waiting for the transfer train to arrive, so did she and the friend she was meeting. Kenny. Haha. After such a long time, I meet them both. Cat who had hacked off her long hair, and Ken who had gotten his butt outta home and to work. Not bad.
Well... looking at them, I wish I could've stayed in contact with several people I (used to) know. Can't think of names right now... Only faces that I've known, and have faded somewhat, placing themselves in the back of my head, only remaining as a memory, and nothing more.
Ah well. Life goes on.
. // prawninator | 00:41 + ~ I honestly feel like shit right now.
All because I told someone I loved him.
And I do, honestly. But not the way I love Ryan. Patrick's one of the best friends I've ever had, even though he's so far away. And I just felt I had to tell him that I loved him. I mean, he's been behind me for so long, encouraging me, cheering me up and everything. I can't not love him, even if I tried. He's such a good friend to me.
But the one who was at the computer wasn't Patrick.
It was Danielle.
She misunderstood, and got upset.
Now I feel like the lowest creature on earth. In no way do I want to try and break the two of them up, it's almost like splitting Patrick into two.. They love each other so much. Why would I want to destroy something that means so much to someone I care about?
I'm sorry, Danielle.
. // prawninator | 17:34 + ~ Oh my gosh, Patrick's baking apple pie. Probably with and/or for Danielle. I envy them sometimes. At least they get to be with each other most days of the week. At least they get to do things together. And just simply be in each other's presence. Awesome.
As for me and Ryan, we're miles apart.
But that's all right.
He called late last night, as he was making his way back to the ship. Apparently he's been going drinking quite often on his own. I'm more than a little worried for him. A binge can go on to become a habit. Well... as long as he knows how to stay away from Tequila, everything should be fine.
Speaking of baking... I'm craving some cookies. Don't know if I wanna do some baking on Friday since there's no school... Maybe I should. Maybe make a batch of Shepherd's Pie as a main course and cookies as dessert. That's an idea. Yay. Friday then.
It'll give me time to stop thinking so much too.
. // prawninator | 19:49 + ~ I feel alone.
Insecure.
Upset.
About?
I don't even know.
. // prawninator | 01:25 + ~
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
:D
We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.
:)
