And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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The end of my trip to Tucson also spelled the end of my relationship with Chris. I guess the two of us felt it coming, really. Even before I had stepped foot on that plane to the USA. We ended it finally, while at the Grand Canyon. I was crying, of course, but it felt as though something in my heart settled down finally, and the general peacefulness of the place helped calm me.
I miss Chris. I don't deny it.
But I had felt odd. I felt like I was intruding. Like I was a disturbance to what he had known and loved. He might not have thought that way, but I was pretty sure, ever since that foodcourt incident, that I didn't quite belong. He knew that I had issues that I couldn't let go of, that I still couldn't let go of my feelings for Ryan, and he was gracious (and I think he said "stupid") enough to let me go.
But I want to thank him.
He made my stay in Arizona extremely memorable. I can still picture the sunset at the Canyon so clearly.. the fireworks on Sentinel Peak.. his little house.. his dogs.. his way of life.
So thanks, Chris.
So right now, again I'm sitting in Ryan's room. My heart is again, at rest. The end of my relationship with Chris might allow me to start a new one again, this time with Ryan. But it all depends on him (or Megan). I'm single. And this time, I'm staying that way until I can be with him.
I've wasted too much time and experienced too much heartache, in my opinion. Can you imagine the relief I felt when he broke a certain piece of news to me? It might seem a little quick.. but it felt so good, like a burden was lifted off my shoulders.
"So what does that make us..?"One word. Means so much. The word I've been waiting to use on the two of us since I realised that I had fallen for him. Two years. Of vicious cycles. I'm single, he's not. He's single, I'm not. Now we're both single. And we've found each other again.
"Us."
Even if I don't die from food poisoning or indigestion (or even Lactose overdose) from all this ghastly American food, I can probably die of diabetes from the apparent sweetness of it all. I love him, and now it's realised even more that we both have our lives straightened out, piece by piece, bit by bit.
He mentioned once that never a day passes when he doesn't think of me. I could say the same for him. Never a day passes when I don't think of him. He's always there in my (sub)consciousness.
Well.. Good luck, Perlin.
. // prawninator | 02:30 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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