And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
. // bloglinks +
airina
artieee
bjössi
brandon
caterina
chillicrapblog
chris (one-year-gap)
cordelia
dhalif
donald
ember
ewan
ewen
fadil
frances
giggs
guthrie
huiwen
ian
ivy
jane
jay
kenny
labbit
leck koon
leonard
linus
marcus
maria
melissa
melvin
michelle
morganth
nat ho
nat yong pamela
potatobiscuit
pris meimei
rudi
sade
samantha
sidney
siew ling
silver
sharon
stacy
terentius
travis
tom
wenting
zhen ru
. // archives +
02/01/2002 - 03/01/2002
03/01/2002 - 04/01/2002
04/01/2002 - 05/01/2002
05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002
06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002
07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002
08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002
10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002
11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002
12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003
02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003
03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003
04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003
05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
I swear to God, every time I try or he tries to take our relationship further, something screws up. In this case, it's his girl (I'm not saying other, because I guess in all reality, *I'M* the other girl).
I had loved Ryan with everything I've got. And I mean everything. Sure we had our bad times, but bad times, or good times, I stood by him and supported him in whatever he did.
I don't think he realises that when I first kissed him in the car at the airport in Virginia, that at that very moment, everything I felt for him over the past two years just resurfaced. He was there. In person. Not a moving picture on the screen or a glaring photo.
But because of her, I have to back off. I don't want to make things any more difficult for him, but I truly do not want to lose him again.
I don't love Ryan because I need him, I need him because I love him and the current situation has hurt me beyond all rational thought. I almost broke something of EJ's while they were at work, but I managed to stop myself. I honestly have no doubt that Ryan is the man I want to spend my life with, but I guess this is impossible now.
I fucking hate myself.
I've always loved him. Why must something so dramatic like this happen? And to me?! Why me? Why not someone else? Why me dammit, WHY?!
I fucking hate her.
I don't normally hate people, but she is one person I honestly, truly, want to see killed with my own bare hands. She took him away from me. But because of Ryan, I will not touch her. I will continue to pretend that there's nothing between us. After all, I do care about him, and his happiness with her. But why is it that it can't be me to give him that happiness?
Thinking over about it though, I guess I don't blame him for choosing her over me. She is, first and foremost, more important to him right now than I ever would be. And since he's the best friend I really ever had.. I shouldn't be acting like this, right?
Is it a crime to want to be happy..?
. // prawninator | 03:34 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
:D
We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.
:)
