And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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Ages have gone by since I had last spoken to you, my dear friend. And I find I miss you the same as I did then when I heard the news from your cousin. I still hear your advice in my ears, your comforting words still imprinted in my head. Yes, I know I've written to you before, why can't I write to you again? Essentially the same things, but still. Writing to you always made me feel better in ways I can't see how.
I really want to see you.
Just once. I never had, and I really want to. I loved you, you know. But you left so abruptly. I never even got the chance to say goodbye to you. Why didn't you let me? Why couldn't you hold on a little longer? I know, I know. I got angry at you for not holding on then. I don't blame you anymore. You were as strong as strong people come. Besides, you were like a father-figure to me and I'm grateful for that, but it hurts that I didn't get to tell you how much you meant to me, and say my goodbyes.
I was speaking to your cousin earlier this year. His and your students drop by his place once in a while to visit, to cheer him up. He quit his teaching job, did you know that? Of course you do.. We all miss you, Richard. We try not to show it, but I know your students miss you, as does your cousin and your brother, whom I haven't heard from in the longest of times.
Nothing can describe my pain right now, just thinking of you, our conversations. I saved every one of them, right until my computer crashed. I tried to retrieve some of the advice you had given me, but I couldn't. That was my last connection to you, right before you left. But I still remember it, though I would've liked to have a physical copy.
Remember me talking about him? It's all right now, my dear friend. You need not worry about me regarding this any more. Things have turned out so much better than I had expected. You might be proud of me, you might not. But I'm sure you, like other people only wanted me to be happy, no matter what my choices were. I just hope you're happy for me.
I miss you terribly, Richard. I long to be able to speak to you again, but it's impossible, isn't it? I don't even know what compelled me to write this letter to you. I just suddenly thought of you, and tears started streaming down my eyes.
I suppose this seems like a preposterous request, but wish me luck. I know somehow you're still there, somewhere. And I know you still love me the same as you did then. I'll always be your "Likkul Bunny", right? I'll always be your little girl. You haven't lost that in me, yet.
Oh, I'm twenty-one now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I turned twenty-one back in March on the sixteenth and I wished you could've been there then. But I tried to push you out of my mind as I didn't want to break down for 'no apparent reason'. Because nobody knew how close we actually were, and not many people knew of your disappearance. I didn't want to tell anyone. I couldn't, it still hurt and it was still raw. I'm sorry. You should've been here to be happy with me, the day I finally turn an adult, even though you would've still called me Bunny.
I miss you.
You're still there, right? I'll write you again.
Love,
Perlin
. // prawninator | 00:25 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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