And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you"
- Staind, Right Here
These words hit me the hardest this morning, after a long conversation with Ryan, whom I can hardly hold a conversation with for two hours on a morning. Any morning. Much less a weekend morning.
But why did those words hit me?
We broke up this morning. Kinda. Actually, he found someone else. Kinda. He wants to know where things go with this person.. and after much deliberation, tears, and a seriously long conversation, I can't do anything to stop him, can I?
Sure, he hurt me. But I have had enough of men climbing over my head. I'll see him in a different light now, as I used to see him as the last person I would be with. And he still is the last person I want to be with.
I guess you don't always get what you want.
Was being with him in the first place a mistake? Maybe. I had waited to be with him for two years. TWO YEARS. Since then, he's never left my head, or my heart. But he can't handle a serious long-distance relationship. I, on the other hand, am a veteran, and I know how much sacrifices one has to make. But he doesn't know how much emotions actually go into keeping one alive.
Never a day passes when I don't think of him.
"Never a day passes...do most of you ever truly realize how strong of a statement that is? How many of you, or I, have said the same words about something? A first love, your favorite memory, whatever it might be. "never a day passes."... never a day passes.
That means that everyday, from the moment it happened, or you realized it happened, that thought has always been in the back of your mind. perhaps not dominate, but definatly prevailing on your consciousness."
There's a huge pain in my chest area right now. I can't cough without feeling pain, laugh, or cry. And I need to cry. I need to cry so much until my throat, eyes, and nose hurts. I don't want to, I need to.
i feel so lost right now...
. // prawninator | 10:16 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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