And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
. // bloglinks +
airina
artieee
bjössi
brandon
caterina
chillicrapblog
chris (one-year-gap)
cordelia
dhalif
donald
ember
ewan
ewen
fadil
frances
giggs
guthrie
huiwen
ian
ivy
jane
jay
kenny
labbit
leck koon
leonard
linus
marcus
maria
melissa
melvin
michelle
morganth
nat ho
nat yong pamela
potatobiscuit
pris meimei
rudi
sade
samantha
sidney
siew ling
silver
sharon
stacy
terentius
travis
tom
wenting
zhen ru
. // archives +
02/01/2002 - 03/01/2002
03/01/2002 - 04/01/2002
04/01/2002 - 05/01/2002
05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002
06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002
07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002
08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002
10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002
11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002
12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003
02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003
03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003
04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003
05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
Let's put it this way.
I might lose my job because Dilip thinks I'm not doing enough for the company. He wants me to do the accounts AS WELL AS sales, but at the way it is now, it's going to take me longer to repair the damages caused rather than to overhaul it. I tried telling him this but he wants none of it.
"Crack your head and find an alternative." was what he told me. I wanted to tell him to go 'crack his own head', but of course, being a subordinate, I kept quiet and went about my given task, until the point where everything was everywhere in the inventory list, the sales and purchases, and quite irreparable. I gave up. And he was disappointed.
Gee, I'd tell him to do it himself if I could.
Then there's my whole emotional landslide. I have a couple of people keeping me sane, and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank them. People such as Linus, my customers, Chris, even, who sympathized with me even though I left him for Ryan in the first place. He calls me now and then from Iraq just to check to see if I'm alive and okay. Even my brother was rather supportive. Guohan as well. Darren and Glenn even took me out for supper the night he broke up with me.
Another almost unlikely source of support is Jaymee. A not-so-old classmate of mine, she has the kind of personality that anyone would like. I mentioned before that she got married recently and was bombarding me with advice, to which I'm absolutely grateful. She was the one who sent me (unknowingly) on my search for information on how to emigrate. This time, she just sat down with me and we just talked (over MSN lah), while Ryan was asleep.
She even mentioned how she'd also go back to Michael if he ever cheated on her for whatsover reason, if he wanted her back. I fully agreed with her. Then I looked at Ryan sleeping on the webcam. He looked so innocent, his face showing a great degree of peace, like nothing in the world could upset him, and I smiled. Because I am in love with that man. I know I am, and Jaymee just helped me to realize that even deeper.
And now, confusion sets in.
Remember how he found this other girl? I don't know how, the details are fuzzy. But he did, and apparently after a phone conversation, she didn't speak to him again. And because of that, Ryan sent me an SMS a couple of days ago, saying that nothing has changed between the two of us. My heart soared, and I was so hopeful. My face lit up and I could smile naturally again. I was going to be with him again. Right?
"I don't know." was his response when I asked.
My heart fell right down to the floor again. Uncertainty in relationships never sat well with me for some reason, as indecisive as I usually am. I like to know where we were going with the relationship, and work towards that. I'm already grateful that he hasn't cut off all communication with me like what Howard did for several months.
So there's still hope.
Or I like to believe there still is.
To tell you the truth... there's no one in the world I'd rather be with.. than Ryan. However much he's hurt me... however much we've been through, good or bad... I love him. And I want to be with him. More than he thinks, and more than he'll ever know.
Home is where I'm happiest.
And I'm happiest with him.
I want to go home.
. // prawninator | 01:11 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
:D
We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.
:)
