And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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You meant everything to me. Everything. But yet you don't trust me anymore. I don't understand why, and you won't tell me at all, because you say it doesn't matter. But it matters to me. I know you don't trust me anymore, Ryan. No matter what you can tell me.
I keep defending you. Unholy kept saying things about you, but I defend you. Because I thought you weren't like that. I KNOW you aren't like that. Unholy calls me stupid, but I accept it because I know you aren't that asshat he makes you out to be. I'm not writing this to anger you by the way, or to disappoint you or whatever, but this IS my journal, and I'm just voicing out my feelings.
I didn't jump back into a relationship with Chris just because he happened to be there waiting and such, just because he's familiar and all that. I did NOT. You can ask him if you want; I actually told him that I didn't want to get into a relationship with him for fear I was on the rebound.
I thought to myself for a couple of weeks; I wasn't with you anymore at that time. We had slipped into Silence Mode during that time. I asked around for advice. Including my mother. I asked myself what I wanted, before I decided to give Chris and myself another shot. Much like how I readily accepted you back after your 'fateful' phone conversation. And that was after much deliberation.
You don't know me as well as you think you do, you don't know my heart, and you really didn't have to slander it the way you did tonight. I'm not a player. Ask anyone who knows me; they can ALL vouch for me. I'm not trying to prove anything; I'm just telling you that a person might not be all you expect them to be; and all that you think they are might not be the truth. I try to be honest with you, and this is what I get?
You hurt me tonight, Ryan. I'll have to tell you that, and I'm sure you know, too. And I don't know where else to write this than here. I'm not sure if you would even open my emails anymore. As I said, I'm not trying to prove anything here.
Now, all I want is for this friendship to work. After all, it did for two years. Why would it fail now? I just don't see the logic.. Just please. PLEASE be honest with me. I need answers. But you aren't giving me any... and it's driving me crazy.
I have great memories with you; don't sour them.
Please.
. // prawninator | 01:46 + ~ |
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
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:)
