Zhou Pei Lin

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

Yin Yang

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Saturday, November 25, 2006

When I was a child
I spoke like a child
Thought like a child
Felt like a child

Now that I have grown up
I have put away childish things

But I unpacked most of them
When I got there.

. // prawninator | 23:52 + ~

Friday, November 24, 2006

Someone please tell me who he is...

I still get goosebumps whenever I watch this.

Extremely powerful chorus if you ask me...

Quite literally.

. // prawninator | 23:39 + ~

Thursday, November 23, 2006

YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to ME. My email is right there. But first post a blank one out to all your friends so they can return the favor to you. Be honest.

this should be good.

my name:

Who is the love of my life:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

How long have you known me:

When is the last time that we saw each other:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

Do I curse:

Do I believe in God:

When is my birthday:

What was your first impression of upon meeting me:

Color of my eyes:

Do I have any siblings:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

Would you consider me a friend/good friend:

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):

Have you ever seen me cry:

Are my parents still together:

If I had broccoli stuck in my teeth would you tell me:

Have you ever hugged me:

Do you miss me...do you think i miss you:

What is my favorite food:

Have you ever had a crush on me:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What's your favorite memory of me:

Who do I like right now:

What is my worst habit:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring?

if you had the chance would you go out with me?

If you had the chance would you have sex with me? (honestly)

. // prawninator | 00:31 + ~

Monday, November 20, 2006

I will not allow petty, trivial things to get to me. Or petty, trivial people for that matter. What am I ranting about you wonder? Just the fact that I was not informed of a certain situation made me slightly confused. Quite an important event, too. But what can I say? It honestly has nothing to do with me.

If the person chooses not to tell me, it's fine. I'm just a little disappointed, considering how I was there for her when she needed me so many times. So I may have been harsh, but seeing what she was like in person, it changed my perception a little. She. Is. A. Bitch. It may have been the hormones coursing through her body, but I sure as hell do NOT want to be like her when something like that inevitably happens.

Oh please, don't try to redeem yourself.





And I'm not the only person who thinks that way. Me. My buddy. Your own self-proclaimed ex-fiancé. You don't listen to yourself sometimes. You demand attention. You may THINK you're not, but oh ho ho ho. I'm sitting miiiiiles away from you and yet I can feel your desperate need for attention to be showered upon you. It was honestly getting on my nerves.

I'll bet your ex-fiancé couldn't tolerate your bullshit either. He's trying all he can but all you seem to be doing is breathing down his neck, and bossing him around. How would a man feel about that? Being henpecked to that degree? You belittle him in that sense and what good will that do for either of you? He'll feel less of a man and in turn will feel reluctant to contribute to your relationship.

He loved you, you know. I could see it in his eyes. He tried to do everything to make you happy. Everything in his power. You made him feel like he didn't do enough. He could NEVER do enough. Even the little things never counted in your good books did it?

You may be smart, yes. But you definitely aren't smart enough. I suggest you stop trying to be portrayed as the victim here, and open your god damned eyes. I don't CARE if you're weak. I don't CARE if you're vulnerable. The only person you can blame for your miserable state is none other than yourself.

Stop whining and listen to others for a change.

Oh yeah, remove me if you wish. I don't give a flying fuck. For all it's worth, I'm probably better off without a friend like you. You were a friend once, but now, I don't know, nor do I care. Looks like you don't need me as a babysitter anymore, so I'm removing myself from your social circle. Not that I was even considered in it anyway.

. // prawninator | 23:11 + ~

Fuck you, bitch.

. // prawninator | 01:05 + ~

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

So the end of the fiscal (financial?) year is drawing to a close. Really, reeeeeally quick. By November 22nd, all new entries should be in, checked, signed and accounted for, and I should be swimming in legal, financial, American International Assurance Hell. Either way, I'm taking a break between the 22nd and 24th of November to prepare for my Baptism that Sunday.

I haven't had a good night's sleep since I started this job, to tell you the truth. I'm almost tempted to have a big meal right before I go to bed each night so I can sleep better, but that would make my Life Meter drop a couple notches, and that's not a good thing. Not at all. But what can you do? Some people are stuck in a rut, what I heard my dad call the poverty cycle.

It's when you study just as much as your finances allow. I studied for my Advanced Diploma, but cannot continue because I cannot afford it. And I cannot afford it because I do not earn enough on my current qualifications. And I cannot earn better qualifications because I cannot afford the school fees. And I cannot afford the school fees because I don't have a job that can support my studies. Different way of putting words, but do you sense the pattern here?

That, and I still want my brother to go to university because I never got the chance to, and probably never will. So where's my salary going? Food. Transport. Savings fund for my marriage. Brother's education fund. House upkeep. Bills, bills, bills. House is already fully paid for, after 20 years. The decor sucks, but hey. It's home.

Getting married to a foreigner isn't all fun and games, or a bed of roses if you will. We're still clueless to what we have to do. I've spoken to his mother, who's spoken to a lawyer, and she mentioned that I should be able to just get up there, marry him and be done with it, but from what we've been researching, it's not going to be that easy. At least I know of many people who would be envious of the kind of relationship I have with my boyfriend's parents.

But the whole poverty cycle situation reminds me of this article my mother brought to my attention this evening. Anyone heard of Wee Shu Min? No? Neither have I, at least until tonight. I managed to track down the article that people have reproduced over and over again on their own journals.

For my own record, here it is.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

mom's friend sent her some blog post by some bleeding stupid 40-year old singaporean called derek wee (WHY do all the idiots have my surname why?!) whining about how singapore is such an insecure place, how old ppl (ie, 40 and above) fear for their jobs, how the pool of foreign "talent" (dismissively chucked between inverted commas) is really a tsunami that will consume us all (no actually he didn't say that, he probably said Fouren Talern Bery Bad.), how the reason why no one wants kids is that they're a liability in this world of fragile ricebowls, how the government really needs to save us from inevitable doom but they aren't because they are stick-shoved-up-ass elites who have no idea how the world works, yadayadayadayada.

i am inclined - too much, perhaps - to dismiss such people as crackpots. stupid crackpots. the sadder class. too often singaporeans - both the neighborhood poor and the red-taloned socialites - kid themselves into believing that our society, like most others, is compartmentalized by breeding. ridiculous. we are a tyranny of the capable and the clever, and the only other class is the complement.

sad derek attracted more than 50 comments praising him for his poignant views, joining him in a chorus of complaints that climax at the accusation of lack of press freedom because his all-too-true views had been rejected by the straits times forum. while i tend to gripe about how we only have one functioning newspaper too, i think the main reason for its lack of publication was that his incensed diatribe was written in pathetic little scraps that passed off as sentences, with poor spelling and no grammar.

derek, derek, derek darling, how can you expect to have an iron ricebowl or a solid future if you cannot spell?

if you're not good enough, life will kick you in the balls. that's just how things go. there's no point in lambasting the government for making our society one that is, i quote, "far too survival of fittest". it's the same everywhere. yes discrimination exists, and it is sad, but most of the time if people would prefer hiring other people over you, it's because they're better. it's so sad when people like old derek lament the kind of world that singapore will be if we make it so uncertain. go be friggin communist, if uncertainty of success offends you so much - you will certainly be poor and miserable. unless you are an arm-twisting commie bully, which, given your whiny middle-class undereducated penchant, i doubt.

then again, it's easy for me to say. my future isn't certain but i guess right now it's a lot brighter than most people's. derek will read this and brand me as an 18-year old elite, one of the sinners who will inherit the country and run his stock to the gutter. go ahead. the world is about winners and losers. it's only sad when people who could be winners are marginalised and oppressed. is dear derek starving? has dear derek been denied an education? has dear derek been forced into child prostitution? has dear derek had his clan massacred by the government?

i should think not. dear derek is one of many wretched, undermotivated, overassuming leeches in our country, and in this world. one of those who would prefer to be unemployed and wax lyrical about how his myriad talents are being abandoned for the foreigner's, instead of earning a decent, stable living as a sales assistant. it's not even about being a road sweeper. these !!^#bags don't want anything without "manager" and a name card.

please, get out of my elite uncaring face.

posted at 12:08 PM

No doubt, I was a little upset about her attitude towards the middle-class. I will admit, I'm not starving, or denied an education. I just cannot afford better, for the reasons I mentioned above. I am not going to slam her, but neither am I going to support her. Being from the middle class who know they will at least have plain, white porridge to eat the next day, I do feel a little angered at her rant.

Sadly, I'm not inclined to be nice about this either. I don't honestly care if she's the daughter of an MP. Does Ms. Wee know what it's like to not know where her next meal is coming from? C'mon... Being forced into child prostitution? Government massacre? Isn't that a little extreme? Chances are, how often does that happen anymore, in comparison to the rest of the world? The winners are not marginalised and oppressed. People have reasons to oppress, but there's no reason at all for belittling. I mean, she criticized Mr. Wee about his spelling. Maybe I should do the same about her punctuation, or lack thereof?

What angered me more was her "apology".

shu-min says
dear wei kiat,

i apologise if i have distressed you with my tendency to rant. while i will not dispute some of the points you make in response to what i have written, i would like to bring to your attention the fact that the post in question was never meant to be a cogent response to the specific points raised in derek wee's article. it is, quite obviously, a rant in the heat of the moment. in addition, i don't believe that my blog has the wide readership of derek wee's, or even your own, and my intention was more to vent my own frustrations than public denouncement.

i'd also like to clarify my use of the word "elite". while i understand how misinterpretation may have arose, i intended to use it in irony, as a label that people assume i enjoy, and not one that i take particular pleasure in.

finally, i admit that i was harsher than i should have been, although the the crux of my belief in self-improvement and self-determination has not changed. once again, i apologise if my words have unintentionally offended you - i was under the rather naive impression that nobody reads my blog :)
10/19/2006 11:45 PM

She's still keeping the high-and-mighty attitude, and I'm not surprised how people are not impressed with her "apology". Not surprised at all. If I were in the shoes of Mr. Wee, I would be furious too. And to have such an "apology" written, I'd be even more worked up. Maybe she should be sent for a Singaporean version of The Simple Life. And all of us "arm-twisting commie" bullies and "whiny middle-class undereducated" people could sit in front of our second-hand non-plasma TV's and watch her shatter into pieces.

But that will probably never happen, and all we can really hope for is that people like that would be better educated and fresh (not spoiled, harhar.) about life in the real world, and that it's not all just books, lectures and good grades. Then again, whatever I've said here has probably been said over and over again on the Blogosphere.

Oh well.

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to flame Ms. Wee any more than she already has been. I'm just stating what I feel, but if you wish to give me constructive comments, be my guest. Remember, the key word here is constructive. I do not condone baseless flames or degrading comments in regards to Ms. Wee Shu Min, her father Mr. Siew Kim, Mr. Derek Wee, or myself. Thank you.

. // prawninator | 22:26 + ~

To whoever you are, wherever you are, I love you. I probably don't know you yet, but when I do, I'll know, and so will you. And you'll love me for who I am, as will I.

You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.

Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.

It's just a matter of time.

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