And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
|
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I lost a friend just this last week.
It has been one of the worst experiences in my life, to lose a friend. No, my friend did not die. She rejected the friendship on her own. I don't entirely blame her, but I don't entirely agree with her actions either. People who know me know that I am fiercely loyal to my friends. However, if one of my friends do something against the other, I tend to take the side of the victimized friend. And for good reason.
In this case, my friend Han and my friend Siyue had a falling out. Apparently Han had done something that Siyue didn't like, and how did Siyue respond? By clamming up. What I mean by clamming up, is that she gave Han the silent treatment, despite Han's attempts to re-establish contact and to talk the situation out.
Weird part is, Siyue kept talking to Han and her mutual friends, me included. I was upset, because I could tell Han was upset too. Now, Han and Siyue have known each other for more than a decade, and I've known Han for about nine years compared to Siyue whom I've known for three. For them to have such a falling out made me angry, so I casually asked Siyue one day as to why she wasn't talking to Han anymore. I guess it was a bad move on my part, but we all deserve to know, I feel.
Han feels that Siyue is turning her friends against her. Siyue feels that Han is turning her friends against her. I was confused. Neither of them were doing such things, but in my opinion, at least Han talks about her problems and shares them, to find a viable resolution for the situation. However, Siyue doesn't. Instead, she tells me, "Life is just less stressful having to not deal with those negative emotions" and "...my ultimate goal is to avoid all conflict with anyone" and that "I'm not even vaguely prepared to deal with my emotions towards her, and.. I'm not going to", and "I'm just trying to distance myself from the problem...", also that "I have the right to distance myself from drama" which she is DIRECTLY involved in.
I mean, what?
Trying to reason with her was impossible. I mean, seriously. To avoid conflict is to run away from your problems. Running away from what? I don't know! None of us do because Siyue's keeping quiet! I've learned this a long time ago. You CANNOT AVOID CONFLICT. You have to face it, to DEAL WITH IT, which is obviously what she was not doing. Honestly though, to keep silent about it WILL NOT HELP. Even the yousay/shesay thing helps MORE than silence itself because at least both sides will be heard. At least both sides can TRY to bloody understand what the hell is going on.
She hurt more people than she realized.
When I tried to tell her that, I received a heated reply with innumerable "fuck you's", with the same repeated thing. The whole I want to distance myself from the problem, I just want to forget about the whole thing, I'm just not going to deal with it but walk away. She also told me, "in all honesty, no one is holding a gun to your head telling you to be friends with me. It's a goddamn choice, and if you're regretting that choice, then by all means unfriend me. With friends like you've been in the past couple of days, I don't need enemies."
How would you respond to that?
I also received this, "You've proven yourself a BAD friend to me. A GOOD friend to Han, but a bad friend to me." followed by "I'm not going to let you make me feel negatively biased toward Han anymore than you already have, (so) I'm fixing that little problem of annoying frustration that being a friend to me is. Have a nice life." before proceeding to unfriend and block me from every networking site and IM we have.
The reason why I'm so worked up over this is because years ago, I was in the same situation. Only I was on the receiving end, I was in Han's shoes. Back then, my friend Shan told me that she had been checking her ex-boyfriend's email. She never told me why, she just told me that she was. I was torn. Between keeping her secret or telling her ex-boyfriend, who had been my friend for a much longer time than her. I even considered bringing this to the police, considering what she did was a criminal breach of privacy. But I did not.
Instead, I told her ex-boyfriend who confronted her about it. She in turn confronted me about it, and then turned tail and ignored me, instead going behind my back and telling all our mutual friends that I was a liar and that I couldn't be trusted. How are you to react to that? Needless to say, I ended that friendship then because she did something wrong, but instead of owning up to it, she defended herself by painting my picture black.
I didn't want Han and Siyue to go down that same path.
Sad to say though, it's already begun it's downward spiral, I have lost a friend. Still, I believe only good friends can be honest to one another. I'd rather be brutally honest to how I feel than to lie and sugarcoat everything I say. What sort of friend would I be if I were to lie all the time? Well, it's her loss, not mine.
/sigh
ps: By the way, people who aren't Chinese with self-given "Chinese" names are just pretentious in my book. Like they are trying to compensate for the lack of personality.
. // prawninator | 06:09 + ~ I just realised I didn't post about my Valentine's Day this year.
I was alone again, just so you know.
Doesn't affect me though; Karl took me out for sushi at Fujiyama Restaurant the week before Valentine's Day. It was the first date we've had in a long while, otherwise preferring the company of other people and/or not going out at all. But the sushi was good, as was the conversation, as was the company. :)
He also gave me a present for Valentine's Day, and he was so excited to give it to me, too! He was shuffling about in his room going, "I don't know if I should give you your Valentine's Day gift now or later... what the heck, open it." with that big grin on his face. And now that I have a new camera, I can shows you it. When I lifted it out of the box, I was surprised.
It was a lavender jade pendant on a silver chain. Notice the middle of the pendant? It says 福, or prosperity in Chinese. Now, my Chinese name 佩琳 means "to adorn with jade" when translated, and when I asked him why he bought the pendant for me, he went, "Because one, I know what your Chinese name means, and that means 'to adorn with jade', two, I know you absolutely adore purple, and three, lavender is your favorite scent."
I cried. It was such a perfect gift.
. // prawninator | 23:34 + ~ Stacy is now in the UK, after a lot of drama and tears shed in regards to the London-Heathrow airport situation. At first she was offloaded, and later on they couldn't find her a seat. Finally she got a seat for Friday, her birthday.
She called me on Monday and we talked for about 20 minutes. You could tell she misses us just by listening to the way (and speed) at which she speaks. She was also uber excited about falling snow, and actually bugged James about it. Same thing I did with Karl the first time I saw snow! Funny thing was only Emily stood outside in the snow with me that first time. :3
I still miss her lots, it's been almost a week since she flew off. She's usually the one that organizes sheesha meet-ups, and now that she's in the UK and not here anymore, it's getting tougher to get the girls together and go. Even when I Was out with Cheryl, Aric and Teeny yesterday (Happy Birthday, Skypig!), it felt different because Stacy wasn't there. So what did we do? Hehehe.
Each of us dialled her UK number, said "CHU!"* and hung up. So Aric started first. The moment Stacy answered, he went, "Chu chu CHU!" and hung up. We were speculating that MAYBE the number we dialled wasn't hers. It was my turn, and I called her. I went, "Chuuuuuuuu~~" before hanging up. At about the same time, Aric got a text message saying, "You all wanna die ah?!" from Stacy. We just laughed our asses off, and Cheryl called. This time she went, "Chu?" but didn't hang up, so we all got the chance to speak to her over the speakerphone.
Well, we did say we would do it. ;)
* The reason why we said Chu is because... well... watch.
. // prawninator | 15:48 + ~ I got into a small debate with one of my boss' clients' eldest son regarding his position on the upcoming American Presidential elections. As we are both connected to the United States in one way or another (I'm married to an American citizen while he used to study there), the debate was pretty interesting.
He stated his points and I stated mine, and we both discussed why we think the candidate we support is more suitable for the hotseat. It got to the point where we both didn’t want to continue as we didn't know much more about each others' preferred party.
So I decided to visit both their websites. I noticed something about both of them and the direction they seem to be headed at first glance, and when I put that through to him, he did not have an argument to put forward, but began to rethink about his choice of candidate.
Let's remove all preconceptions for the moment and just think. Do not put names in the blanks that are going to follow this paragraph. Just tell me what you think. Also note that the following was found as the candidates' website headers. Can you guess which is whose?
_______________ for President
_______________ for America
Who would you really pick to lead your country?
. // prawninator | 15:09 + ~ Stacy is leaving for the UK tomorrow evening, for probably more than a year. So Cheryl, Aric and I went to Orchard Cineleisure for dinner where we ate at Suki Sushi (DO NOT EAT THERE. Bad food, worse service) and then went for karaoke (pronounced kah-RAH-oh-kay, for the benefit of my dear foreign buddies) at K-Box.
Before we did so however, we took lots of neoprints together and decorating them with pink and blue colored shitpiles and devil horns etc, and also spent some money on gashapon machines, or what we affectionately call "dongdong" machines (it imitates the sound of the coins going into the machine, get your mind out of the gutter!). I actually had to run around B1 looking for someone to change our money into $1 coins. Really had lots of fun either way. We're all a little sad that she's leaving, but I guess we go where our paths take us.
At the gashapon machines, I managed to nab a Shy Guy and a Red Mushroom! I was hoping to get the Question Block, but no such luck this time. Might try again this weekend or something, when I go meet up with Fara and Wee Lin over at PI.
Phat Lewtz!
Taken at K-Box.
What a fun country we live in.
Our karaoke session only stopped at 1am, but we kept singing 'till 1:30, because no one came to stop us either way. My voice is gone from laughing at Aric singing "She Bangs". I swear I almost peed myself from laughing so hard.
You know, I'm really going to miss her.
No one else sings English karaoke songs with me. :'(
. // prawninator | 03:27 + ~
You might be living in my neighbourhood, or some other town or country far away. I don't know. And neither do you, at this point.
Wherever you are, I know I'll find you... if you don't find me first.
It's just a matter of time.
. // links | misc +
- poorgamergirl auction
- email me
- [shop] wear your dice
- [shop] the poor gamer girl
- idm website
- idm forums
- halloween photos
The Poor Gamer Girl Fund
:D
We could use any help we can get, but you are not obliged to.
:)
